The Silence of Hope
by ILETUDRIVE
Summary: This is a somewhat violent take of an alternative ending to how Endgame could have gone. It features the players from Endgame and also brings the mob aspect in as well. Some consider it my best work. Complete
1. The Promise

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Disclaimer: All the characters are owned by General Hospital, Capital Cities, and ABC-TV, I claim no ownership rights only abuse rights.

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Feedback: If you want more please drop me a line.

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Distribution: Ask me first.

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Note: This is a somewhat violent take of an alternative ending to how _Endgame_ could have gone. It features the players from Endgame and also brings the mob aspect in as well. There is character death and violence, so you've been sufficiently warned. 

It is only three parts long and a lot of people consider it the best work I've ever done. I'll give you the first part and if you want the other two please leave me a reply.

Stephanie

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The Silence of Hope

~Elevator~

Shifting in the elevator he wondered, not for the first time that day, what he was doing here. The answer he came up with was the same one he'd had all day, because he had promised. He had promised her he would do this so he would.

The elevator doors opened and but he hesitated, he really didn't want to do this. They began to close and he quickly stepped through them and into the hallway. He looked longingly at the door to his left before shifting the package he carried in his hand and turning to the door on his right.

"I would like to see Sonny."

Johnny's eyes, moved from the man, to the large thin package he had in his hands, before moving back to his face. "And that is?"

"A delivery I promised to make," he saw the dismissal in the other man's eyes and pressed on. "It's from Elizabeth Webber."

The dismissal was replaced briefly by surprise. "Wait here," Johnny told him before tapping on the door and stepping inside the penthouse.

He leaned back against the wall and waited. He was doing his best not to think about the last 24 hours. If he did think about them he would never be able to get through the next 24.

Johnny opened the door and stepped back in the hall. "Let me see that," he held his hand out for the package.

Reluctantly he held it out and watched in casual disinterest as Johnny felt through the brown wrapping paper.

"You can go in," satisfied Johnny handed the package back and stepped clear of the door.

He took a deep breath and moved inside the room, he couldn't help but notice how dark in color the room was, it seemed to suit the man who lived there.

"So Nikolas you have something for me?" Sonny Corinthos asked as he entered the room from the kitchen.

"No it's not for you," Nikolas corrected him, leaning the package against the desk. "It's for Jason. Elizabeth knew you would see that he got it."

Sonny frowned at the package given the shape of it, it was probably a painting. "Why didn't she bring it by herself?"

"She couldn't," Nikolas closed his eyes and let the memory come. "But she made me promise I would."

__

"Nikolas if anything goes wrong tomorrow, I need you to do something for me," Elizabeth sat beside him on the old couch.

"Nothing's going to go wrong," he answered immediately. He couldn't allow himself to think that anything could go wrong. Things had to go smoothly for all of their sakes.

"I hope not but let's be realistic, we are dealing with Helena," she sighed. "Anytime you're dealing with her there is always a chance something will go wrong."

"I know but I have to believe that this will work out, and this whole nightmare will be over soon. That Lucky will be okay and everything will be the way it once was." He kept telling himself that even though he didn't fully believe it himself.

"Nikolas too much has happened. Nothing will ever be like it used to be," Elizabeth got to her feet and rubbed her hands over her arms. "We just need to hope that we don't make things any worse."

"Do you want to back out?" A big part of him hoped that she did. He didn't want to risk something happening to her. "We can find another way to get the information from Helena."

"There is no other way," she kept her back to him and laughed softly. "We would have thought of something by now, if there was. Hopefully this will work and Helena will finally trust you and we will find out how to help Lucky."

"That is why we are doing this," he crossed to stand beside her at the window. He heard her sigh and followed her gaze. He stiffened when he saw it was trained on the rebuilt Corinthos/Morgan warehouse.

"Once this is all over with I'm gone," she murmured.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean once Lucky is back to normal I'm leaving town, I'm going to try to find my life again."

He looked at her in surprise. "But why would you leave if we get Lucky back? You love…"

"Loved," she corrected. "I loved Lucky and a part of me still does, but I'm not in love with him anymore. Even if this works, and he comes back to us, it won't change the fact that I'm not in love with him anymore. It won't change the fact that I love…"

He waited for her to finish her thought but she was quiet again, her eyes still on the warehouse. He waited for the anger to arrive, the anger that she didn't love his brother anymore. But to his surprise it didn't. "Then why are you doing this?"

"Because I owe him," she explained simply. "Lucky once saved me so I need to save him."

That reason was good enough for her to risk her life, for her to give up her dreams, and put her life on hold, while she tried to help his brother. It was more then enough for him to help her. "What's the favor?"

"If something goes wrong tomorrow, I want you to deliver this to someone," she moved over to a stack of canvases on the far wall, and removed one that was wrapped in brown paper.

"To who?" Nikolas asked moving towards her.

"To Sonny and tell him to get it to Jason," she pulled a letter out of her bag. "Along with this."

The familiar lecture was on the tip of his tongue, but he didn't give it. "Okay."

"Promise me."

"I promise," there was a strange look in her eyes, a desperation that he wasn't used to seeing. It made him wonder if she knew something was going to go wrong.

"Good," she moved to the door. "I have some stuff to finish, so I'll see you later."

Nikolas paused in the doorway there was something about the way she was acting that worried him. It made him want to forget this whole insane plan. "If you change your…"

"I've already given up too much to quit now," she smiled at him. "Don't worry Nikolas, like you said nothing will go wrong," the smile died and she worried her bottom lip. "But don't forget your promise," she ordered before shutting the door in his face.

"Nikolas?" Sonny repeated. Nikolas had drifted off there for a few minutes. "Are you okay?"

Nikolas blinked the memory away and focused on Sonny. "I'm fine. What did you say?"

"Why couldn't she bring the painting herself?" Sonny made himself busy by pouring a scotch.

"Because," his voice broke and he blinked back useless tears. "Because she is in the hospital, she's dying."

Sonny set the scotch down with a slam, his eyes studying Nikolas hoping to spot a lie. But looking at the defeated posture of the man beside him he knew that it was true. His eyes moved to the portrait leaning against the desk and the envelope taped to the paper. The envelope only had one thing written on it and that was the name Jason.

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~Two Days Later~

~Penthouse~

Sonny was in the dark. It shouldn't surprise him, he was used to the dark, he seemed to hide in it often enough. Either the dark in his mind, or the dark of these quiet rooms, it was always waiting there for him.

Bringing the glass of amber colored liquid to his lips he swallowed the fiery tasting liquid. He hadn't expected to feel like this after hearing about Elizabeth. After all the tentative friendship they had forged after Jason had been shot, seemed to have all but vanished in the last six months. But hearing that she was dying had driven him into this dark place again.

His mind kept replaying various conversations that he'd had with her and images of her face seemed to haunt him. From her collapse at the fire that "killed" Lucky, to a few weeks later when she walked into Luke's. Her eyes had been desperate then, but she had wanted him to know that it wasn't his fault that Lucky had died, because she was the one that had given him the candles that had killed him. Then the night he had told her about Lily being pregnant when she had died, her quiet understanding that night was just what he had needed. Next was their last conversation outside a nursery in the hospital. In that conversation she had asked him for help, and he had turned her down.

He had turned her down, even though he had promised Jason that he would watch out for her and help her if she needed it. Looking back now he couldn't even understand why he had said no. He had fed her some excuse that he had promised Luke never to get involved with his family but that wasn't the real reason.

No the real reason was because of Jason. His own twisted loyalty to Jason had him turning her down, because if he helped her help Lucky, it would be a slap in the face to Jason. He had known that Jason's feelings for her went deep, even at the height of his self-centeredness he had seen that. He also believed that she felt something more for Jason as well. So for her to ask him to help Lucky just seemed wrong to him, so he had turned her down.

He slugged back the rest of the liquid in the glass and didn't even feel the fire in his throat. He had turned her down and now she was dying. Now he had to explain his actions to Jason.

As if he had spoken the thought aloud, the Penthouse door opened and in he walked. Sonny got to his feet and moved closer to his friend, blinking hard when Jason flicked on the light. "You made good time."

"Has there been any change?" Jason asked.

"She stopped breathing twice, both times they were able to revive her. After that she seems to have stabilized. She's been in a coma for over a day now."

"Do they know what type of poison was used?"

"Not yet," he studied Jason closely. He saw the dampness in his hair and belatedly noticed the sound of the storm raging outside of his window. "It's a mixture, they've isolated three of the poisons, but they can't figure out the fourth. And until they do, they can't find the right treatment for her."

Jason ran a hand through his damp hair, and absently rubbed his hand on his jeans. "Is she being guarded?"

"Francis has been there ever since Nikolas told me."

"Good," Jason turned and headed for the door.

"Jason I'm sor…"

"I don't have time for the recriminations or guilt right now. I have to go see her," he cut off the apology and headed for the door.

Sonny followed him to the door and watched him get on the elevator. With a sigh he shut the door and turned off the light, plunging the room and himself back into the familiar darkness.

****

~GH~

For once Jason didn't feel the uneasiness he normally felt when he entered the hospital. Instead he felt a sense of determination. He took the stairs up to ICU and opened the door slowly to check the hall. He didn't want to be seen if he could help it so he waited for an orderly to pass before stepping out into the hall. Feeling eyes on him immediately he turned to nod at Francis before moving down the hall to her room.

Hesitating by the doorway he listened to the activity in the hall, it was after 11:00 so he knew it would die quickly. The next set of rounds wouldn't start for another couple of hours, so he shouldn't be disturbed. He took a second longer to brace himself and then stepped farther into the room.

Since Sonny's phone call, he had been preparing himself to see her. All through the hours on the planes, in the cars, he had thought of little else. He could remember the last time he had seen her so clearly in his mind. She had been wearing the same red and gray shirt that she'd had on when he had given her the red glass from Italy. She had been pale that night, and her eyes had been so sad when she walked away from him, it had taken a lot for him not to call after her.

Shaking the memory away he focused on the bed. The only light that was on in the room was over the bed and it cast most of the room into shadows, while it shone over her like a halo. The eerie quality of the light made her skin seem translucent.

Moving closer his eyes drank in the sight of her. There wasn't a trace of color in her face, even her lips that were always so full and bright seemed to be pasty. Her eyes were closed and were sunk far into her head. Her hair had lost the shine, and hung dully close to her shoulders.

The blanket that covered her barely moved as she breathed, but it was a sign of life, and it reassured him. She wasn't hooked up to any machines, so there was no monotonous beep of a heart machine. She was breathing on her own, and that was a good sign. What wasn't, was the IV bottle that was hooked on her hand. Her stillness unnerved him, and he moved closer.

Taking her right hand in his he couldn't help but notice how cold it was. She was always so warm. He didn't like to think of her as cold. "Elizabeth," he whispered her name, hoping for a response but there was none.

Settling in the chair beside the bed he kept her hand in his. "I'm here now Elizabeth."

****

~Hallway~

"Has there been any change in Elizabeth Webber?" Dr. Tony Jones stopped a doctor who he knew was working on the case.

"No," Dr. Richard Bauer replied wearily. He had been working nonstop for days trying to identify the poison that was used on her, but so far he couldn't define it. In the 25 years he had worked for the Centers for Disease Control, he hadn't come across a poison like this before.

Francis heard them talking and moved closer so he wouldn't miss anything. Mrs. Hardy had only allowed him to do a loose surveillance on Elizabeth, so he was relegated to the hall, and monitoring who came in and out of the room. But maybe being banished to the hall was finally going to pay off.

"Have there been anymore episodes?" Tony was trying to work on his guilt. He knew that Helena and no doubt Stavros were responsible for what had happened to Elizabeth. And since he was the one that had brought Stavros back, he was indirectly to blame as well.

"No she's stabilized," Dr. Bauer rubbed at the kinks in his neck. "Most of her organs, especially her kidneys, have been damaged. I expected to lose her yesterday, but she managed to stabilize and then slipped into the coma."

"How are her brain wave patterns?"

"You're the neurosurgeon you tell me," Dr. Bauer held out a chart to him.

Tony frowned down at the chart, he didn't like what he was seeing. The readings were weak, as you would expect from someone in a coma. But they were higher then normal. Normally that would indicate that she was waking up, yet the rest of her stats didn't agree with that assessment.

"You see it too," Dr. Bauer spoke after seeing the frown.

"There is a chance that she is aware of everything that is going on." Tony was horrified. If that was the case and she remained comatose, he couldn't imagine a worse hell to be in.

"I know, if we can't reverse the effect," Dr. Bauer shook his head. "Well speaking for myself, I would rather be dead then live like that." With that he walked away.

"God Elizabeth. I'm so sorry," Tony said brokenly. "I didn't know what they would do to you. I didn't have a choice, I'm so sorry you were hurt because of me," he turned around and blinded by his tears ran into someone.

"You mind telling me what exactly you meant by that?" Francis asked coldly keeping a firm grip on Tony's arm when he tried to pull away.

"Let me go," Tony ordered.

Francis took a look at the closed door, knowing that Jason would probably be in there for a while, he checked the hall for other people. "We'll talk about this elsewhere," he told Tony before he decked him.

Francis picked him up in a fireman's carry and moved to the stairs. He dug the cell phone out of his pocket and broke one of his rules and used it in the hospital. "Max bring the car around to the service entrance and get Stu to relieve me up here on 4," he shifted Tony. "We have to handle something."

****

~ICU~

"You told me that you were going to be happy," Jason broke the silence in the room. He was used to silence, he even relished the quiet, but this silence was beginning to make his skin crawl. She was never quiet or even still. She liked to talk, to laugh, to move, to sing, something. He knew from when she had stayed at the studio with him, that she was even an active sleeper. If she hadn't been zipped up in the sleeping bag on the floor, she probably would have rolled out of it, so it was very unnerving to see her still body in the bed.

"You told me that you needed Lucky to make you happy," his eyes were focused on her lifeless hand. "I didn't like that, I didn't really believe it. But I respected your decision and didn't press you. God I wish I would've pressed you, if I had would you still be here in this bed?"

He looked up at her face and saw that her eyes were open. Hope surged through him only to fade when he saw their fixed and blank stare. Some part of his brain that still retained the medical knowledge of Jason Quartermaine kicked in and he remembered that comatose patients would open their eyes, even twitch their bodies sometimes, and it didn't mean anything. It was only an involuntary muscle reaction, it didn't mean that they were waking up or even that they were aware of anything that was going on.

Jason pressed her hand against his cheek, he just needed to feel her touch him. Her hand was cool on his skin and it felt strange. Other then when she checked him for a fever, after he had been shot she hadn't touched his face. But he was used to touching hers, he had needed to touch hers. He reached up and traced a thumb down her cheek, again her skin was cool, too cool. She used to be so warm.

"I wish that you would wake up," his eyes were bright with unshed tears. "Please Elizabeth I need you to wake up. Even if it is only to kick me out of your life again, I can handle that. I can even handle you wanting to be with Lucky. I can handle anything if you just wake up."

He stopped speaking the lump in his throat making it difficult for him to continue. A single tear got through his walls and dropped on her hand. "But what I can't handle is you in this bed. I can't handle you being still and quiet, when you are so full of life. I just can't handle that."

Shifting so he was perched on the side of the mattress he looked down into her sightless eyes. "You once willed me to live. You fought for me even when I wanted to give up. So now it is my turn to will you to live. I'm here Elizabeth. I'm holding your hand," bringing her hand up to his mouth he pressed a kiss on her knuckle. "You have so much fight in you, and I need you to use it now. When you get tired and you think you can't fight anymore, I'll be your strength then, like you were mine when I was shot. All you have to do is fight," his eyes searched her face. "Please just fight."

****

~Penthouse a.m.~

"Nikolas Cassadine is here," Johnny announced.

"Let him in," Sonny got to his feet.

"You wanted to see m…" His voice trailed off when he saw Tony Jones tied to a chair. "What the hell?"

"Sit down Nikolas we have some news for you," Sonny was once again full of purpose. His demons had been beaten back again. "To begin with your father is alive."

"What?" Nikolas looked at him in shock.

"It seems Helena put him in cryonics for the past 20 years or so," his voice softened, realizing that it was Nikolas' father he was talking about. "A few months ago Tony over there, revived him for her."

Nikolas looked to Tony for confirmation. "This can't be true."

Tony took a breath only to stop when he felt the pain in his ribs. Sonny's people had been very persuasive. He felt Francis move closer and bowed his head, speaking quickly. "It's true Stavros is alive and has been walking around for the past few months," he looked up and went on desperately. "I had to do what she wanted Nikolas. She had Lucky poison Lucas, and the only way I could save my son's life was to bring her son back."

Somehow Nikolas found himself sitting in a chair. "Lucky?"

"You already knew that Helena was controlling him, now you know how deep that control is," Sonny took a sip of his coffee. "Lucky is clearly capable of anything."

Nikolas nodded slowly, what had happened here was his fault. If he hadn't wanted to stay in Port Charles, none of these people would have been hurt. Helena and Stavros wouldn't have been able to hurt anyone, especially not Elizabeth.

"There's more," Sonny went on casually but he kept a close eye on Nikolas to judge his reaction. "Tony has seen Stavros with Gia on more then one occasion."

That forced him out of the blame game, he was indulging in. "No that can't be right," he shook his head.

"It is. Believe me when I say Tony wouldn't lie about this," he smirked at Tony. "Would you?"

"No," Tony managed a sneer.

"Did Gia know what you were planning?" Sonny asked the question, needlessly it seemed because judging from the expression on Nikolas' face he already had his answer.

"She didn't know what Elizabeth and I were up too, with faking her death. But she did find out that Helena wanted me to kill Elizabeth and I agreed," he replied. "But Gia wouldn't help Helena, she hates Helena."

"Would she have told someone else what you were planning?"

"Gia was desperate to stop me, I think she even went to the police but they didn't believe her," he spoke softly trying to process what had happened. "She found me on the docks when I was moving Elizabeth. I thought Elizabeth was okay then, that she was just under the effects of the drug that Laura had given me to fool Helena, but then the seizures started." He stopped then he didn't want to relive the memory of those awful seizures. He blocked that image from his head and concentrated on the memory of Gia when she confronted him. He had seen her coming towards him, and she had been talking with someone, a man. She had called him Lucien, after she had seen Elizabeth, she had called for him, but he never came.

"Tony said her and Stavros looked pretty tight. I did some checking, they've had several candlelit dinners at the Grille, and it looks like they've gotten pretty cozy. She calls him Lucien, maybe she told him what she had found out."

Nikolas bowed his head and rubbed his eyes, it was true. "If Gia did then he must have told Helena and she…" he trailed off.

"She what?" Sonny prompted.

"She must have ordered Lucky to switch drug packets with me," he said dully. "After Laura gave me the drugs the only time they were out of my sight was when Lucky confronted me, when I was on my way to the yacht. He was the only one that could have switched the packets."

"Jesus," Sonny rubbed a hand over his chin. He didn't want Lucky to be responsible for what had happened. He had watched the kid grow up, and didn't want that boy to be responsible for this, but it looked like he was.

"I can't believe he would have killed Elizabeth. He doesn't remember her anymore, but to kill her, to kill anyone," Nikolas had clung to the belief that there was still a part of his brother left. A part that he could salvage from Helena's manipulations. But if this was true he now knew that even if there were a part of Lucky left, and he ever found out what he had done to Elizabeth, to Lucas, it would kill him.

"He didn't," Tony chimed in.

"You really don't want to speak right now Tony," Sonny warned him. "I haven't forgotten about your part in all of this, and believe me neither will Jason."

Tony swallowed hard at that threat.

"She's not going to die?" Nikolas ignored the threat to concentrate on the important part.

"No it seems Helena really doesn't like Elizabeth. This little old poison that's in her, is going to keep her comatose. So she can't move or speak, but she will be alive, and what's worse she is fully aware of what is happening," Sonny's words were bitter. "Does that sound like something your Grandmother would do?"

Nikolas felt physically ill, it seemed that Helena's cruelty knew no bounds. "Yes it is like her and it makes sense," he went on slowly. "After what happened I tried to bluff my way around her. I demanded to know why the poison she gave me didn't kill Elizabeth. She told me that Elizabeth would be more useful where she was, she would be a reminder to me what would happen if I ever crossed her. I demanded to know what the poison was, and what she did to Lucky but she refused to tell me," he snorted. "We did it all for nothing."

"We need to find an antidote," Sonny began to pace. "Tony told me where the lab is that Stavros once was, we might be able to find a clue there."

"I doubt that. She would have destroyed or moved anything that was helpful there by now," Nikolas disagreed. A desperate idea was forming in his head. "No we need to force Helena to talk."

"Okay then how? Threaten something she cares about?"

"She doesn't care about much, her vendetta with Luke, but with what she's done to Lucky, she has already beaten him," Nikolas got to his feet and crossed to the wet bar. "She says she cares about me, but she really just wants to control me. If it is true that my fat… that Stavros is alive he's our best chance. If she kept him 'alive' for 20 years, she would do anything she could to save him."

"Then what?" Sonny asked coming to a stop beside him.

"The only reason that Luke didn't kill Helena months ago was because of a doomsday effect she claimed to have set up in Lucky. She told him that her death would trigger something in Lucky that no one would ever recover from," he kept his voice low so only Sonny could hear him.

"But if I allow her to live, she'll only find another way to hurt people. She was comatose herself for 10 years and look at the damage she has caused after she woke up. From what I hear Stavros was just like her, if not worse," his eyes were focused on the decanters in front of him. While he tried to find the courage to finish this once and for all. "They can't be allowed to hurt anyone anymore."

Sonny was quiet while he studied Nikolas. He wondered if he knew what he was saying.

Nikolas turned to meet his gaze. "We need to find Stavros and use him to get her to talk, if what she says works, then I need to end it."

"We will end it," Sonny corrected when he realized Nikolas was serious.

"There is one other thing," Nikolas sighed. "I need to see Jason."

"I don't think that's wise. He won't be receptive to you, especially now."

"I know," he smiled slightly. "I realize that there is a good chance that he will kill me because I was the one that handed her the poison. But I need to tell him something Elizabeth told me. Once I do he can do whatever he wants."

Sonny pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a breath. "I'll tell him."

"Thank you," he looked back at Tony. "I don't like him, and I will probably never forgive him. But Helena poisoned his son to get his help. What would you have done if you were in his shoes?" With that he headed for the door. "Let me know when we take the next step," without waiting for a reply he walked out the door. While he waited for the elevator he couldn't help but wonder if he had just signed his brother's death sentence.

****

~Cottage p.m.~

Nikolas stared in his glass and waited. He was waiting for several things. Waiting for the phone call to tell him it was time to see his dead father. Waiting for the inevitable confrontation with his Grandmother. Waiting for the deaths that he had helped to arrange. Waiting to see if her death would be the last straw for Lucky's already fragile brain. He was waiting for all of that, but mostly he was waiting for a visitor.

He didn't doubt that Jason would show up, but whether he would still be alive when Jason left was questionable. He glanced towards the door when he heard a noise but didn't see anything. The storm that had been on Port Charles for days now was still raging. He turned back to his glass and continued to wait.

"You wanted to see me."

Nikolas jumped in spite of himself, spilling his glass on the couch. "Jesus Jason." He couldn't help but feel nervous looking into Jason's expressionless face. He had asked to see him, so he couldn't back out now. "I needed to tell you about Elizabeth."

"Sonny already told me," Jason cut him off. He had wanted to kill Nikolas but he knew he couldn't. Nikolas had only been doing that Elizabeth had told him to do. He knew that but he still felt the need to punish Nikolas, for being able to walk while she was lying in a bed in the hospital.

"He didn't tell you this," Nikolas set the glass on the table and looked up at the man he had never really liked, and would probably never like. "She gave me the painting and a letter to give to you. Did you get them?"

Jason nodded but didn't reply, he hadn't even opened them yet, his only concern was in getting to her, and trying to help her.

"She also told me something that night that I think you should know," Nikolas got to his feet. "She told me that once this was over she was leaving town, leaving Lucky."

Jason blinked in surprise but other then that he had no reaction.

"She said she wasn't in love with Lucky anymore," Nikolas crossed his arms over his chest. "She started to say she was in love with someone else, but stopped herself. She stopped herself from saying your name, but her eyes were locked on your warehouse the whole time."

Now the surprise did show on his face. "Why are you telling me this?"

Nikolas shook his head. "I don't really know. I don't like you, I don't think you're good enough for her. But who am I to judge? It's because of my family that she is in this mess to begin with," rubbing tiredly at his forehead he went on. "All I know is that she deserves the best, and for some reason she seems to think that is you."

"Now you suddenly care about what she wants?" Jason asked. "Where was all this concern a few months ago?"

"I buried it, I let my dislike of you, and my loyalty to my brother cloud my judgment," Nikolas retorted. Now that he was talking he wasn't as afraid of Jason as he thought he would be. "My first real memories of you Jason was when I was shot for standing next to you, so believe me I never wanted Elizabeth anywhere near you. I let that memory blind me to the fact that you helped her when no one else could. You saw she was drowning and you gave her a way out. She needs that again, she is drowning and she needs a way out. And you are her best chance."

"I'm going to help her, there is no way you could stop me," Jason warned him.

"Good," Nikolas waited for a minute. "That was all I just wanted you to know," he held his breath and waited for what was going to happen next.

Jason could see the fear in Nikolas' eyes but he could also see and respect that fact that Nikolas hadn't backed down from him. Jason nodded his head and turned to leave.

"That's it?" Nikolas couldn't help but ask.

"For now," Jason kept his back to him. "I want to hate you, to blame you, but if I did that I would have to hate her too," he turned to face him. "That being said, if anything else happens to her, because of your family." He left the threat unfinished but knew Nikolas read the intent in his eyes.

Nikolas waited until the door closed before sinking onto the couch. Well he had done it and was still alive, at least for now. As much as he disliked Jason he did mean what he had said to the man. If anyone could pull Elizabeth out of this it was Jason, he just wished he hadn't wasted so much time before allowing himself to see that.

He got to his feet quickly when he heard the phone ring. "Hello."

__

"We got him."

"Where was he?" Nikolas asked.

__

"With Gia," Sonny sighed. "We're heading there now."

Gia. He felt the bitter sting of betrayal. "I'll be right there, wait for me."

****

~ICU~

Jason stepped out of the stairway at GH and immediately tensed something didn't feel right. Glancing around the deserted hall he tried to place what was wrong. He found it almost immediately, Francis wasn't here, in fact none of the guards were here.

He began to move to her room, when his cell phone rang. "Morgan."

__

"We got the information," Sonny was brief in his words. "But she managed to make a call before we stopped her. It sounded like code."

"Are the arrangements we talked about ready?" Jason asked pulling his gun out of the holster with his free hand.

__

"Yes."

"We're moving tonight then," Jason was at the door, he switched off the phone and shoved it in his pocket.

He pushed on the door opening it slightly, his sixth sense told him that no one was behind the door so he opened it further. Scanning the room, he saw Lucky by her bed, he had a syringe in her IV bottle. Jason wasn't even aware that he moved, one minute he was by the door, the next his hand was around Lucky's throat and he was slamming him against the wall.

The syringe clattered to the floor, but Jason didn't hear it, he continued to slam Lucky's head against the wall. All the hate and anger he had in him had erupted into rage, and its target was Lucky. Shifting his grip on Lucky, who was unconscious at this point, he brought the gun up and pressed it against the bottom of Lucky's chin. Cocking the hammer back he prepared to fire.

It didn't matter to him that he was in a hospital, that there were witnesses' everywhere, the only thing that mattered to him was stopping Lucky before he could hurt her again, and punishing him for what he had already done.

His finger was tightening on the trigger when something stopped him. Looking over to the bed he saw that her eyes were open. They were fixed, but looking in his direction.

__

"She is aware of everything that is going on around her, what you say, what you do."

Sonny's words came back to him and he turned back to Lucky. Lowering his gun, he let go of Lucky and watched him slide down the wall to the floor. He took a deep breath before tucking the gun away and moving back to the bed. Her eyes were still vacant. "I'm sorry Elizabeth, I shouldn't have scared you like that," he pulled the IV from her hand, and pressed a Kleenex to her hand when he removed the needle there.

"He's alive, and I'll let him stay that way for you," he told her. "But we're going to leave now. We're going to go somewhere that you can recover and be safe." While he was speaking he pulled the covers free from the bed. 

Looking at her face again, he ran his hand softly through her hair. "I know you can understand me, so hear me now. We know how to make you better, you are going to get better. I promise you that," he bent down and picked up the syringe Lucky was trying to put in her IV and put it in his pocket.

She didn't move, she didn't even blink, and there was no reaction to his vow. He picked her up, and he couldn't help but marvel how light she felt in his arms. There was nothing to her anymore. He lifted her arm around his shoulder and pulled her higher up on his chest. He moved to the door and checked the hall but it was empty. Leaving Lucky bleeding on the floor he moved to the stairwell. In less then two minutes he was in a car and they were speeding to the airport. 

He kept her on his lap while the car sped away, not wanting her to feel afraid, and also because he needed to hold her. He stared blindly out into the storm. Lightning lit up the sky and he looked down in surprise when he felt moisture on his neck. His arms tightened around her and he couldn't help but smile at what he saw. A single tear had made it out of her eyes. She was still there, she was fighting, and she would be okay.

****

~Penthouse~

It took two weeks but the call finally came. He didn't say much. In fact he only said two words. But they were the some of the most important words anyone had ever told Sonny.

__

"It worked."

Sonny hung up the phone and the burden he had been carrying around with him for weeks finally started to ease. "Johnny."

"Yes," Johnny entered the penthouse. He could tell from Sonny's face that it had finally happened, and he allowed himself a smile.

"Those plans we made," Sonny spoke with a grin in his voice. "It's time to do it."

Johnny nodded and stepped back in the hallway. "With pleasure."

Sonny sobered as he made the next call. The respect he had developed for Nikolas in the last few weeks, made him call him directly.

__

"Hello."

"I just wanted to let you know that the storm is finally over," Sonny's voice was serious.

__

There was a long pause on the other end, before he spoke. "Thank you."

Hanging up the phone, Sonny marveled at the change in attitude he had for Nikolas. He had to admire the way Nikolas had stood up over this whole situation. Nikolas had been solid on the yacht, when they confronted Helena. At one point he had even been the one to hold the gun to his father's head. To this day he didn't know if he would have shot Stavros or not, but Helena had seen something in his eyes, because she had given them the information. And apparently it was the correct information.

Moving back to the window he stared out into the stormy night. It had been raining in Port Charles for over two weeks now, in fact the storm had arrived the night this all started. The days were drizzly, and every night there was a light show. But tonight it was the loudest it had been, the storm had been building these past few weeks and tonight he had a feeling it would break. And when it did it would break badly for some.

****

~Cassadine Yacht~

"Andreas, did you draw my bath yet?" Helena called when the door opened behind her. "Really you have been most disappointing as of late," she went on when he didn't respond.

Moving into the bathroom she sank into the tub that was filled with her scent. She really needed to get ready for her next step. Nikolas had been a disappointment thus far, he had even went so far to work with that thug Corinthos. She was not going to tolerate much more of his behavior. Now that he knew about Stavros, she sighed in regret, now that everyone knew about Stavros, thanks to Nikolas, it was time to step up their plan. Eventually they would find Elizabeth Webber, and that deplorable Mr. Morgan and take care of them, as well as Mr. Corinthos. But first they would concentrate on the Spencer's, not that they had to do much.

"Andreas where is my wine?" She called and froze when she felt the muzzle of a gun pressed to the back of her head.

"Mr. Morgan sends his regards."

"What?" Was all she was allowed to say. The silenced gun fired twice, a double tap into her skull. 

Professional to the end he checked her for a pulse before letting her sink below the water that was rapidly becoming red.

****

~Cottage~

Nikolas hung up the phone slowly. He had been waiting for that call, now that it had finally he was relieved. Relieved because Elizabeth was going to be okay. 

Opening the drawer to his desk he identified the other emotions he was feeling fear and worry. This was the day he had been dreading as well, the day that he had been trying to prepare himself for. Reaching in the drawer he pulled out the gun that was there. He knew what he had to do. What he needed to do to finally end this. He took out the clip for the gun and slammed it into place. He only hoped he had the courage to do it when the time came.

****

~PC Hotel~

Stavros let himself in his room, but kept the lights off, he still preferred the dark. He still dressed in all black, and tried to keep out of sight. He had grown used to sneaking around and he kind of relished it. There was no need to hide anymore, everyone knew who he was thanks to his son. 

Grimacing he crossed to the window. Nikolas had been deprived of his influence for too long. He had been raised soft because of Stefan, that wouldn't be tolerated anymore. Once he had Laura back, he would concentrate on righting Stefan's mistakes with his son. He smiled when he remembered the way Nikolas had pressed the gun to his head to try to get the information to help the Webber girl. That was a true Cassadine move, Nikolas was more like him then he wanted to admit. The boy had such potential and he would help him harness it.

Stavros was so wrapped up in his plans for his son that he never even saw the end coming for him. The lightning crashed and illuminated the room behind him, his eyes widened when he saw the man standing behind him raising a gun to his head.

The glass in his hand hit the floor the same time the man fired. The bullet passed through Stavros and into the window shattering it. The man lowered the gun to the man on the floor, and even though Stavros' eyes were open and unfocused, he still pressed the gun to his temple and fired again. 

He was paid to be sure.

****

~Spencer House~

__

"Repeating our top story of the evening. Two murders have rocked Port Charles. Stavros Cassadine was found dead of a bullet wound in his suite here at the Port Charles Hotel. The hotel that is owned by the Quartermaine family, has come under fire recently. Most notably for letting Mr. Cassadine, a man under investigation for several murders, and most recently an indictment for the attempted murder of Elizabeth Webber, still stay here. When asked to comment about the murder at their hotel. Mr. Edward Quartermaine offered no comment."

Laura walked out of the kitchen and caught the tail end of the report. She was relieved that Stavros was dead. She looked at her children, Lucky had moved back home trying to recuperate from the beating he had received at the hospital and also the mind game that Helena had been using on him. She looked at Luke who had come over and was sitting by Lulu, he met her eyes and shrugged. Well at least Luke couldn't be accused of this crime.

She continued to set the table only half listening to the report until a name caught her attention.

__

"Heiress Helena Cassadine, who was recently indicted for attempted murder, was also found dead this evening. Reports are her manservant an Andreas Popodopoulous discovered her dead body in the bath. We have sketchy reports that Mrs. Cassadine was shot in the back of the head execution style. Attempts to receive a statement from investigating officer Lt. Marcus Taggert were denied with a terse no comment."

Luke's eyes whipped to Lucky while he listened to that report. He tensed waiting to see if Lucky exhibited any reaction to the news of her death. He was still worried about Helena's threat of what would happen to Lucky if she died. But his son hadn't even looked up from the computer game he was playing. Luke watched him closely for another 10 minutes before finally letting his guard down.

Lucky stretched and got to his feet. "I'm going to hurry mom up," he patted his stomach. "I'm hungry."

"Daddy it's your turn," Lulu said holding out the dice to him.

"Sorry," Luke took the dice while Lucky disappeared into the kitchen. "Now which one am I again?"

"The one in jail," Lulu said.

Luke frowned down at the game. "Figures."

He heard the door swing open but didn't look up. "Now how about I buy this here Reading Railroad for $20.00."

"Daddy it costs $200," Lulu told him. She had learned at an early age to be the banker when she was playing with her father.

"I know but I'm good for it," out of the corner of his eye he saw Lucky coming closer to him. "You're sister has a mean streak."

"What do you expect she's a Spencer," Lucky answered.

Something in the tone of his son's voice tipped Luke off and he looked up. "Jesus," his son was covered with blood and he had a knife in his hands. His eyes whipped to the kitchen door where Lesley and Laura were. "What did you do?"

Lucky smiled. "What had to be done."

"Lucky," Lulu cried when she spotted her brother. "Are you hurt?"

Lucky turned his attention on her and moved closer, raising the knife while he walked. "No, I'm finally free."

Luke jumped from the couch and intercepted Lucky before he could reach Lulu. "Run," he screamed at Lulu, while they grappled over the knife.

"Cowboy," he got the leverage on his son and looked down into his eyes.

"Your Cowboy is dead," Lucky twisted his right arm. "Just like you," he shoved the knife deep in Luke's side.

Luke felt the knife enter his body and his strength ebb. Lucky shoved him off easily, and Luke could only watch as his son got to his feet and moved towards his daughter who was still sitting on the couch. "No," he tried to scream the word but it came out as a gasp, along with a bubble of blood.

"L-lucky," Lulu whispered.

"It's for the best Lulu," Lucky told her raising the knife. "You're going to be free."

Lulu closed her eyes tightly and prayed that this was just another dream.

The first bullet caught Lucky in the shoulder causing him to stumble away from the couch and Lulu. The second one caught him in the throat and caused Lucky to drop the knife, he looked at the door, before collapsing on the floor.

Nikolas lowered the gun and moved into the house, it was hard for him to breath, it was hard for him to believe that he had just shot his brother. He crouched down beside Lucky who was still gasping for breath. "You're free now Lucky," he told him while he watched his brother take his last breath.

"Nik…" Luke started then coughed hard. "Nikolas."

Nikolas looked over at him, the sound of the gunfire, and the storm outside still echoed in his ears.

"Take care of your sister," he ordered. In that minute all the hate he had held in his heart for Laura's other son vanished. "I give her to you."

Nikolas nodded and turned back to the couch, where Lulu was sitting with her eyes still closed. "She'll be the best of us all," he vowed.

Luke couldn't help but grimace at that. "Jesus don't do that to her, she's still a Spencer."

****

~Hardy House a.m.~

Audrey opened the door and couldn't hide the surprise when she saw the man standing there. "Mr. Corinthos."

"I have a letter for you," Sonny held it out to her. "It's about Elizabeth."

Audrey nodded and took it from him. 

"When you have something for her, let me know," Sonny spoke quietly and then left.

Audrey closed the door and made her way to the couch. Since the night she had discovered Elizabeth missing and Lucky injured in her hospital room, life seemed to be unreal to her. The idea of being on speaking terms with the local mob boss would have terrified her a month ago, but now she looked forward to seeing him. 

When she had found out that Jason had saved Elizabeth's life, it was hard to hold on to the anger she had felt for him. She was still terrified but for a different reason. She knew Jason wouldn't hurt her granddaughter, but she was still afraid someone else might hurt her to get to him.

But the most important thing in her life was helping Elizabeth live, and she was honest enough to know that Jason offered her the best chance. Putting on her glasses she opened the letter.

__

Mrs. Hardy,

Sonny tells me that he told you what we were doing to help Elizabeth. I'm sorry that I frightened you, but my only goal was to help her, and to do that we needed to leave. We managed to isolate the poison, and have been working on the antidote for these past few weeks. The mixture we tried two days ago, is working. The effects of the poison are slowly being reversed. She is going to get better.

If you want to send something to her, please give it to Sonny and he will get it to me and I'll deliver it to her. I'm not holding her prisoner, when she is ready and she is able she will come home. I'm just tying to protect her and give her a safe place to heal.

I know you do not like me, but please know this. I will protect her with my life if that is necessary and I will bring her home to you.

Jason

Audrey brushed at the tears that were sliding down her face. Elizabeth was going to be okay that was the most important thing to remember. Elizabeth was going to be okay. Moving to the window she looked out at the bright sunny day. The storm that had been upon them had finally broken.


	2. The Silence

****

Notes: Kate is fully my creation, and please see the notes on the first part.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

****

The Silence of Hope

Part II

****

~Safehouse~

Jason Morgan was feeling helpless and that was a feeling he wasn't used to. He was a man who prided himself on being in control, in taking initiative, so to suddenly be forced to sit around and wait was very frustrating to him. Sighing he looked out the window at the source of his frustration, his helplessness, and his tiredness. You wouldn't think to look at her, she was so small, thin, and fragile looking, but Elizabeth was the one person in the world who could do this to him.

In the month since she'd been back in his life he had lived in a constant state of fear, frustration, and helplessness. The fear had receded, but the frustration seemed to be building in him daily. Taking a breath he opened the door to join her on the deck. She didn't react to his presence, but he was getting used to that. Instead she kept her eyes trained on the horizon as he sat down beside her.

"You got another letter from your grandmother," Jason set a letter on the small table beside her. "Also there's one from Nikolas and one from Emily."

She didn't acknowledge his words, but that didn't surprise him. He knew that she heard him, but as usual she had chosen to ignore him. Deciding to push her he picked up the letters again. "So which one first?"

That caused her to turn her head to look at him. It was a small movement for her, but seeing her do it still thrilled him. The first thing she had regained after the antidote was administered was her head movement, but that had only happened after 17 long days. "How about your grandmothers?"

Elizabeth shook her head and turned back to the horizon.

"Okay what about Emily's?" another shake of the head. "Nikolas?" again she shook her head.

Jason set the letters down with a sigh. "How long are you going to avoid them Elizabeth? They care about you, they are worried about you."

Elizabeth turned to look at him, her eyes shooting little darts of anger.

He took a chance and touched her right hand, it was the hand that she had the most feeling in. "You can't hide forever."

Her hand moved under his and he sighed when she drew away. He watched her hand fumble with the controls of the electric wheelchair several times before she finally triggered the reverse and sent the chair in motion away from him. He kept his eyes on her when she put it in forward and sent the chair ahead with a lurch to retreat away from him and back into the house.

"Elizabeth did you need anything?" Kate, the nurse he had hired opened the door for her when she banged into the screen door.

Elizabeth didn't even pause she just rolled by her and disappeared into the house.

Jason closed his eyes and some of the tension he always felt when he was around her eased.

"That was a new record Jason," Kate moved over to lean against the railing. "That time you spurred her into moving in less then two minutes."

Opening his eyes he glared at Kate, but the nurse just met his glare with a stare of her own, and as usual he looked away first.

"I take it she didn't want you to read the letters?" Kate asked after recognizing her victory.

"No."

"And you pushed her?" Kate pressed.

"Yes," he kept his answers simple, he should have known better.

Kate snorted. "You know between her not talking because she can't and you only giving one word answers, a person could go insane in this house."

It was a familiar complaint, Jason had heard a variation of it since he had hired Kate a month ago. At first he had hired three nurses, but once the doctor had found the right mix to reverse the process of the poison, when Elizabeth began to get some movement back, he knew he didn't need three. Kate was a brash, outspoken, 50 something woman with a fondness for dangly earrings, clunky jewelry, and as he had discovered two days after hiring her, dying her hair to match her mood. As odd as she was, she was a terrific nurse and Elizabeth had responded to her the best, so she was the only one he considered keeping.

He had his eyes closed, but he could feel her glare on him, opening his eyes he focused on her. Today her eyes were purple. She seemed to have a pair of contacts in every color of the rainbow. Sometimes she even dyed her hair to match her eye color. He was relieved that on the days she wore the green ones, she had refrained from making her hair green as well. He studied her hair, yesterday it had been neon red, but today he couldn't quite figure out what shade it was. He realized she was waiting for him to speak and went on. "I just wanted to…"

"Push her," Kate sighed and leaned back on the railing. "Jason I'm not condemning you, it's right for you to push her. In fact I need you to push her before each physical therapy session because when she's mad at you she works a lot harder."

Jason stretched his long legs out and rested his feet on the railing. "But I don't want her mad at me."

"I know," her voice softened. It was easy to read the love that he had in his eyes for Elizabeth, and ever the hopeful romantic she lapped it up. "She's testing you."

"How do you mean?"

"I don't know her history, but I really don't need too, to understand her," Kate explained glancing briefly at the sky when heat lightning lit the sky. "I've worked with lots of patients over the years, and there is one phase that every one of them goes through after an injury. They test the people around them to see when they will quit on them."

"I'll never quit on her."

"I know that Jason," she smiled. "I think she knows that too, but she is still trying to push you away." Another flash of lightning lit the sky. "We're having enchilada's tonight, they'll be ready in an hour."

"Thanks," he told her absently. He kept his eyes on the darkening sky and the storm that was rolling in over the ocean. He wouldn't quit on her no matter what she did. He only wished she would give a little. Sighing Jason watched the rain move closer to him, he couldn't blame her for being scared.

__

~10 Days Earlier~

__

"Jason the last vestiges of the poison is out of her system, and those organs which had shut down are beginning to work again," Dr. Ria Krychek, informed him, after double-checking her notes. "You've already seen that she is beginning to regain some of her motor control. Last night she regained the control of her head."

"I know but she still seems so weak, her head is the only part of her body she is able to control," Jason rubbed at the kinks in his neck.

"Jason the poison did some damage before we could stop it, in fact there was more damage then I originally thought."

"Like what?" instantly concerned he stared her down.

"The poison damaged her organs, especially the heart muscle and her kidneys. It wasn't enough to destroy the organs completely but they have been severely weakened," she began to fiddle with the cross around her neck. "The effects of the poison gave her injuries that we would normally associate with a massive stroke victim."

"A stroke?" He wearily ran a hand over his face. "But she's only 20."

"I know but this is the aftermath of the poison. There is paralyzation on both sides of her body, but the left side is more severe. Our tests are showing that the right side is showing more improvement then her left."

"Is it permanent?" He got to his feet. It was strange but he didn't want to be sitting when he found out if Elizabeth would be sitting for the rest of her life.

"No I don't believe it is. We have been getting responses from her extremities," she saw Jason's shoulders sag in relief and hurried on. "But this all depends on Elizabeth. I'm not going to sugarcoat things for you, it is going to take a long time for her to recover physically. However there are no guarantees that she will fully recover."

"But you just said the paralyzation wasn't permanent," he snapped at her. Being trapped in a hospital every hour for weeks was beginning to take a toll on him.

"I don't think that it is," she replied calmly. "But she has to want it. She will have to work harder then she ever dreamed she could, and then she has to work even harder. She isn't going to get well overnight, but she will, with time, work and patience."

"What about her voice?" Jason sat back down and waited. "I can tell that her face isn't paralyzed. So why isn't she speaking?"

"The poison effected her vocal chords, she can make sounds, but she can't make herself understood. She will more then likely need to learn to speak again, to form the words," she sighed. "I'm not sure if she will speak again. I don't know how severe her vocal chords were damaged, I'm not an expert in that area. But I believe she will."

Jason closed his eyes and tried to process the news. His primary concern since he had heard what had happened to Elizabeth was to make sure that she got well. A few days ago when they had found the antidote to reverse the poison, he'd felt a sense of elation that he'd only felt once before in his life. That was when he walked into a fishing cabin and found Michael alive and well, after he had been kidnapped.

Now he knew that there was a long battle in front of them. He opened his eyes and squared his shoulders. "When can she leave the hospital?"

The moisture that was hitting his face brought him back to his surroundings. They had been in this house for a week now. The doctor had warned him that it would be slow going and he had been prepared for that fight. What he hadn't known was that he was going to have to fight Elizabeth as well.

She had been making progress, besides her head she could move her right arm and hand now. She couldn't control her fingers yet, but she had movement in them now. She could also move her left shoulder as well. There was some strength coming back to her right leg as well. Progress was a slow thing though.

Tensing when he felt a shiver dance down his spine. He shifted in the chair and turned his back on the storm, to look through the bay window into the house. His eyes met hers through the glass and for a second he thought he saw something in them he hadn't seen in months, and that caused him to hope. A series of bright flashes of lightning lit the sky and forced him to blink, when he could focus on the window again she was gone.

****

~Inside~

"So are you still pouting?" Kate asked from the door.

Elizabeth ignored her and continued to back the chair away from the window.

Kate held her position in the door and Elizabeth was forced to stop before she ran into her. "You know you have a good man out there. One that would do anything for you," she smirked. "Hell he even talked me into getting on a seaplane and coming down here to help you and believe me that took a lot of work."

Keeping her eyes at waist level Elizabeth inched the chair closer. Kate had a lot of nerve telling her about Jason, she knew more about Jason then Kate would ever know.

"He doesn't understand why you are shutting him out when all he wants to do is help you," Kate shifted so she was leaning against the doorjamb. "I gave you the benefit of the doubt and told him that you were testing him," her eyes narrowed. "Of course I could be wrong. You could be shutting him out because you're a selfish bitch." Kate was pleased to see Elizabeth's eyes fire at that remark. The girl had so much fire in her she just had to learn how to use it to help herself.

Kate was way out of line. She didn't know what she was doing, or why she was doing it. She had no reason to be lecturing her. Elizabeth sent the chair forward again until she was inches from Kate's legs.

Glancing down at the girl in the chair she went on casually. "I guess I'll find out eventually. The only question is how many times you are going to hurt him before I do," with that parting shot she stepped away from the door and headed for the kitchen. "Dinner is in an hour."

Elizabeth felt the tears sting her eyes and fought them back. Kate just didn't understand. She hated hurting Jason, but she had too. Jason had such a high sense of honor, he would never leave her while she was hurt. She had saved his life once and he was only trying to repay the favor, by helping her now. But she didn't want his pity or to be an obligation to him, and as long as she was in this chair that was all she could ever be. She was going to drive him away from her if it was the last thing she did.

****

~Port Charles~

"Mrs. Hardy."

Audrey couldn't help but tense when she recognized the voice of the person behind her. She shifted the clipboard in her hand and turned around. "Good afternoon Mr. Corinthos." She was dimly aware of Amy's open-mouthed shock at her response, and couldn't help but feel a little bit glad that for once Amy didn't know what was going on.

Sonny smiled at her, she was always polite to him, but that good afternoon had almost sounded pleasant. "I have another letter for you."

It was easy to spot the genuineness in her smile when she heard those words. "So soon?"

Sonny handed her the letter. "Whenever you have something in response please let me know."

Audrey waited until he was getting on the elevator. There was something in his manner that compelled her to speak. "Thank you Mr. Corinthos."

His answering grin was quick. Audrey's last impression of him was of two dimples as the door closed on him.

"Amy I'm taking my break," she cut off the blonde before she had a chance to question her. She knew Amy wanted details but she would never give them to her. She moved on to the nurse's lounge and settled in a chair, before taking a breath and opening the letter. She hoped it was from Elizabeth. But as she scanned the writing her smile dimmed.

__

Mrs. Hardy,

I'm sorry to disappoint you, I know that you were hoping that this was from Elizabeth, but as you can see it is not. She still refuses to read any of your letters, or anyone else's for that matter. I asked her again about bringing you here to see her, but she refused.

In the past six weeks Elizabeth has been working very hard on her physical therapy. She now has full range of motion in both of her arms, but it still unable to control her fingers. She is slowly getting her strength back in her right leg as well. Her left leg, is still extremely weak though.

She still refuses to try to speak. As near as I can tell she isn't even exercising her vocal chords. She won't let me know why, but she seems content to remain silent. 

I promised to keep you up to date on all aspects of her recovery, so I will tell you where she seems to be mentally. She has built a wall around her, and no matter how hard I try she won't let me in. She keeps pushing me away. Kate says that she is testing me, but I'm beginning to wonder if my being with her is hurting her more then helping her.

There are some moments that we seem to connect the way we used to though. I have grown to live for those moments, they are always too brief, but I can't help but want them. After that happens though she will put the guard back up even higher then before.

I don't know why I'm telling you this. I know that you don't approve of me, and that you will never will. So the last thing you want is for Elizabeth to let me in. But I have to break through to her somehow, because she is still holding back. A part of her hasn't come out of the coma, and until it does she will never heal.

I don't really know what I am saying Mrs. Hardy, she is pushing me to my limit. I will keep you informed. Please contact Sonny when you have something for her, or if you need anything.

Jason

Audrey brushed at the tears and carefully folded the letter and put it in her pocket. Elizabeth was still in so much pain, that much was obvious. What she hadn't let herself see before now was the fact that Jason was in pain too.

Every week, like clockwork, Sonny delivered a letter to her, and every week she hoped that the letter would begin with the word Gram, instead of Mrs. Hardy. It never did but Jason was true to his word, he told her he would keep her informed and he did. She kept reminding herself of all the bad things that he had done. That he was a criminal, that he had been arrested time and time again. But it was getting harder and harder for her to remember that, as she read his letters.

__

"Jason is a good man Gram, he's my friend. If you gave him a chance, and looked past all the headlines that you've read about him, and let yourself meet the real Jason, you would see that."

Her granddaughter's impassioned speech came back to her. At the time Elizabeth had said that to her, she had been horrified of Elizabeth's defense of Jason. But now she was finally letting herself see the truth of her words.

It was ironic when she let herself think about things. She had been against Lucky at first, because he had seemed so wild and lived an unsupervised life. Yet when he had returned from the dead she had become one of his staunchest supporters, because he was better then Jason. And look at what had happened. Lucky had murdered his parents, and it was only because of Nikolas' quick action that Lulu and Lesley were able to survive the attack.

And what about Elizabeth? She had let Elizabeth push her out of her life, and never questioned it. She had seen how tired Elizabeth had been looking, yet she hadn't tried to find out what was going on. And now she had been poisoned, and was partially paralyzed. The only reason she was alive at all was because of two criminals, mob bosses, that she had warned Elizabeth about time and time again. Two men who had proven that they would do anything to protect her.

Audrey shook her head and pulled a clean sheet of paper from the back of the clipboard and moved it to the front. It was time to look past what she thought she knew, and focus instead on what she did know.

****

~Gym~

"That's it. Come on Elizabeth five more," Kate ordered. "You're barely even working up a sweat," she complained ignoring the sweat that was dripping off of Elizabeth's chin.

Elizabeth just glared at her and concentrated on bringing her knee up to her chest. Her lungs were burning, her body was shaking in pain, and all she wanted to do was kill Kate, but she tried to work through that and move her leg.

"Come on."

Her leg shook a final time and then collapsed back on the mat, defeated Elizabeth closed her eyes and tried to catch her breath.

"Giving up?" Kate jeered looking at her watch. Elizabeth had made it 10 minutes longer then yesterday, but she liked to keep the pressure up.

Elizabeth didn't even open her eyes, and instead dreamed of one day kicking Kate's ass.

"Okay rest here, and I'll get the massage table ready," she caught movement out of the corner of her eye and saw Jason. She knew that he was here, that he was always here watching the therapy but keeping out of sight of Elizabeth. She decided to alter her game plan, and hopefully help him out. "I'll be back in 15," Kate got to her feet, her eyes meeting Jason in the mirror, and she jerked her head towards Elizabeth to prod him.

Elizabeth knew the instant he stepped in the room. Muscles that had been spent, suddenly went tight again. She kept her eyes closed and concentrated on evening her breathing.

"You're making good progress," Jason commented dropping down to sit on the mat by her feet.

Elizabeth shrugged her shoulders but kept her eyes closed.

He was grateful that her eyes were closed, it gave him an opportunity to study her. She was finally gaining back some of the weight that she had lost. The emaciated look was gone, she was still underweight bit she looked a lot healthier. Her arms were beginning to show definition again, and she had color in her face all the time now.

"When I first woke up in the hospital I was so weak that it was hard for me to move. I hated that, I wanted to move. I wanted to get the hell out of there," his voice was reflective. He didn't see the point in looking back, so normally he didn't, but maybe this could help her. "Every time I woke up there was someone new in the room, just sitting they're watching me sleep, and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it."

Elizabeth had opened her eyes and was watching him, but more importantly she was listening to him. "So every time I woke up I had to see that flash of disappointment in their eyes when they realized that I still didn't remember them."

He didn't know if she was aware of it but her hand had picked up one of the tension balls that were lying on the mat and she had begun to squeeze it in her right hand while she listened.

"I didn't hate them, I didn't even know them, but they still made me angry. I just wanted them to be gone, but they wouldn't leave me alone. So that made me want to leave even more, but I couldn't move. I had to lie there and listen to them go on and on about a stranger that I had no desire to meet, but a stranger that they wanted me to be."

Hearing the underlying bitterness in his voice she couldn't turn away from it. As much as he had separated himself from the Quartermaines' they obviously still had the power to hurt him in some way. She let go of the tension ball, sat up, and covered his hand with hers to offer comfort.

It took all of his control not to jump when she touched him. It was the first time she had initiated any sort of contact between them in months. He concentrated on speaking afraid that if he made a big deal about it, or laced his fingers through hers like he wanted to, she would withdraw.

"So ever since I could move, I worked on controlling my body. I never wanted to feel that way again. The only room over at 66 that I felt halfway comfortable in," he stopped when she raised her eyebrows in question.

"66 Harborview Road," he explained. "It's the Quartermaine mansion. Anyway the only place inside that house that I liked was the gym. I would work out for hours and hours, trying to regain control of my body again, that way I could take control of a life that they wanted me to live for them."

Control, it was what she was striving for, but the one thing she couldn't seem to grasp. Maybe control was only an illusion in her case. If she could control her body, her hands, her fingers, she would touch him.

Jason felt her finger move lightly over his hand in a repetitive motion, and gradually realized that she was tracing a pattern on his hand. He finally recognized the design she was tracing and he almost smiled. She was tracing a heart on his hand with her index finger. She was able to follow the same groove over and over again, and he was thrilled. It looked like she had regained control of her fingers again.

Elizabeth gradually became aware of the silence in the room and looked at his face, but his eyes were looking down. She followed his gaze and was surprised to realize that she was in fact touching him. That she could control her movements again.

Startled she stopped abruptly and moved her hand. Jason caught it before she could withdraw fully and brought it to his mouth. He placed a kiss into the palm of her hand, and she couldn't help but shiver in response.

These past few months she had tried hard not to look him in the eye. This time she couldn't seem to stop herself. His eyes captured hers and she seemed unable to look away from those mesmerizing blue depths. If that corny saying that eyes were the windows to the soul were true, then Jason had the clearest and most pure soul she had ever seen.

He couldn't stop himself from touching her face. She hadn't let him get too close to her, and he had missed touching her skin. It used to keep him sane in the hospital, but once she could she moved away from his hand, so finally he stopped trying. But right now her eyes were so big and vulnerable that he couldn't help but respond to the need he saw there.

Her skin was warm, so much warmer then it had been in the hospital. His thumb followed the familiar path down her cheek before moving over to trace her lips. That maddening bottom lip of hers, the one that always seemed to torment him, was so soft under his thumb. Shifting closer he moved his other hand to cup the back of her head, drawing her nearer.

God he was so beautiful, she brought her left hand up and covered his on her face as he shifted it back to her cheek again. She had never been able to name the exact color of his eyes, blue seemed too bland a description for them. He was so beautiful and so strong and he deserved so much.

He tilted his head and their breaths mingled for a second, before he pressed his mouth to hers.

__

He deserved so much.

The thought reverberated in her head and caused her to bow her head and break the contact after only a few seconds. She dropped her hands into her lap, curling them into fists on her useless legs. He deserved so much more then she could give him. All she could give him was more hurt and pain.

Jason pulled back and studied her bowed head and her defeated posture. Swallowing his own disappointment he got to his feet. "Do you want me to help you in your chair? Or do you want to wait for Kate?"

Surprised and relieved that he didn't pursue what had just happened she gestured to the chair.

At the chair he paused a moment, his hands gripping the handles tightly. His stomach was in knots, and he just needed a second to regroup. He felt like they had taken a big step forward tonight and he didn't want to do anything that might make her retreat again. He needed to play this right.

She kept her eyes on her hands, her heart was racing and she knew it wasn't because the exercise. Still, she couldn't help but tense when he brought the chair over to her and locked the wheels.

"Do you want to do it?" He asked her stiff back and wasn't surprised when she nodded. She tried not to let him help her if she could. At first that had bothered him, but now he was just glad that she was doing things for herself. "Okay I'll go and start the grill, we're having steaks tonight." It took a lot to just walk past her to the door but he knew it was the right move to make. He waited until he turned away from the door and was out of her sight before he stopped and let the smile show.

"Nice moves Jason," Kate commented from his side.

"Jesus," Jason jerked upright and smacked his head against the wall. He hadn't even known she was there. "Don't do that," he snapped focusing a glare on the now blonde Kate.

"Don't snap at me Jason, I'm not the one that turned you down," Kate patted his shoulder. "But if it makes you feel better I don't think she wanted to stop you."

"Drop it Kate," Jason warned her.

"You know maybe you should go take a cold shower before starting supper, if you're going to be in this kind of mood, it could only help," she couldn't help but tease him.

"Kate," he growled in warning.

"You know what they say, frustration can be debilitating," Kate quipped before moving into the gym.

He couldn't help but smirk as he moved down the hall to the kitchen. For the first time since they had arrived here, he felt that there had been real progress between the two of them. He had never told her that Nikolas had told him she loved him, he wanted her to tell him, and he believed she would one day. He just had to be patient.

****

~Dinner~

Dinner had been the most interesting one since she had arrived at this house, the looks flying between Jason and Elizabeth had been entertaining to put it mildly. Kate took another bite of her dessert and tried to think about how she could best help them. She could see the wheels turning in Elizabeth's brain no doubt trying to come up with a way to pretend the kiss had never happened, and Jason might just let her get away with it. Men could be frustratingly clueless at times. They needed to spend some more time alone, and Elizabeth needed a little nudge. 

"So Jason tells me that you can control your fingers now," Kate broke the silence at the table. "You've been holding out on me," she shook her spoon at Elizabeth, then quickly brought it to her mouth before she lost any of the decadent ice cream.

Elizabeth's face flamed and her eyes whipped to Jason who met her look with a shrug. She looked back at her dessert. God he had told Kate? She immediately knew that wasn't true, he would never had told Kate, that meant she had seen them. Great, she made a face.

Jason shot Kate warning glare when Elizabeth looked down, but Kate just smiled back at him.

"That means we have a new set of exercises to start tomorrow," Kate brought her empty bowl to the sink before she was tempted to go for thirds. "On second thought why wait," moving over to a cabinet she drew out a sketchpad and set of pencils that had been there since the day they had moved in.

Jason watched Elizabeth closely for a reaction to seeing the art supplies. Her eyes had widened and her expression had softened into one of longing before she lowered her gaze to the dessert she wasn't eating, again.

"Jason tells me you know how to use this stuff," Kate cleared away Elizabeth's plate and moved the sketchpad in its place. "So why don't you practice writing and also drawing if you feel like it."

Elizabeth looked up and shook her head.

Kate ignored her and turned to Jason. "You got the dishes my favorite show, Angel is coming on," she paused by Elizabeth's chair and whispered. "Just think of all those lovely words you've been calling me in your head, now you can write them down and throw them at me."

Elizabeth smiled briefly at that and turned to watch her leave, her hand moving over the sketchpad while she did. Jason took that as a good sign and got up and finished clearing the table. He kept his back to her, knowing she wouldn't want someone watching her while she worked. When he heard the pages of the pad flip, he smiled to himself.

How long had it been since she had opened a new sketchpad? Weeks? No months. She hadn't returned to school this year, and had barely passed last semester, so there had been no need to buy any pads. She had packed up her art supplies after her last final and never opened them over the summer. But even before that she hadn't done much work, Lucky had taken up all of her time.

She lightly traced the clean white page and thought about it. Even if she had the time, she couldn't seem to do anything, she had been blocked. Her emotions were what fueled her creativity and they had been in such turmoil that it had been impossible for her to draw anything. Well she had managed to do the sketch series of Jason playing pool, but that shouldn't surprise her. He had always seemed to bring out her best work. But after he had left that cold day in April, she had created nothing but garbage.

Somehow the twisted way she thought, made her think that she shouldn't sketch or paint anymore, because that made her happy, and why should she be happy when she had hurt Jason deliberately? She pulled a pencil from the pack, she had been hurting him for months, but that last day she had been cruel.

It was so easy for her to see his face that day in the park, why shouldn't it be? After all she had relived it over and over in her head for months. First the anger, the frustration, that gradually turned into surprise, when she finally admitted to him she wanted more. To the thinly masked desire and longing when he moved to kiss her, turning into concern when Lucky had arrived.

Then there was his face that same night in the park, only two hours later but how the world had changed in those two hours. She had finally told Lucky she wanted more from Jason and he had left. She had felt so bad for hurting Lucky, but relieved that she had finally done the right thing. She had raced to the park hoping to find Jason, to tell him that for once she had put herself first like he had always told her too.

And what had she seen? Helena in the bushes watching Lucky attack Jason. She had seen that look of utter glee and approval on Helena's face and all the happiness she had felt vanished. The part of her heart that wanted her to move on, was quashed under the loyalty to Lucky and the need she had to help him. The only way she could do that, was to hurt Jason, to hurt herself. 

__

"I don't want to be free I want to be with Lucky."

When she had said that to him, she had watched something die in his eyes, and that still haunted her. Every night when she went to sleep she saw those eyes shut down on her, because she had hurt him, and every night she felt the guilt. Blinking away the tears in her eyes she looked at the pad again, and saw those eyes.

The sketch was very rough, and shaky in a lot of parts, but she had drawn her memory of Jason holding out his hand to her in the park, the second he knew she was going to turn him down. It always amazed her when people said he showed no feelings on his face, because she had seen what he was feeling every time she looked at him, even if she denied it to herself, she had seen it. But that night she had seen the other side of Jason, the mask had descended to protect himself from her.

Now the mask was gone and he was getting sucked into her orbit again, and all she was doing was hurting him. But this was for a different reason. This time she had to hurt him not to help Lucky, but to help him. She would destroy him if he tried to stay with her, and she would rather be alone for the rest of her life then hurt him the way she knew she would eventually.

With a sigh she tore the sketch from the pad, wadded it up in a ball, and tossed it towards the trash. Then bit her lip and began to write.

Jason heard her knock on the table and turned to look.

__

"Why are you here?"

Jason read the question on the pad and focused on her. "To help you get well."

__

"Are you a doctor now? How can you help me?"

Crossing his arms over his chest he studied her, she was upset, more then likely because of the kiss. "You know I'm not a doctor, but I can provide you the help you need, like Kate, the therapy, and a place to heal."

__

"Why?"

He moved closer, "You know why Elizabeth."

He does still care for me. How could she get him to stop caring? The two separate thoughts roared through her head. Hope along with fear. A conversation she'd had with Dr. Krychek before she had been discharged came back to her, and the memory of it hardened her resolve. 

__

"I don't want to be here with you anymore."

He gripped the chair tightly when he read those words. "Do you want me to bring Audrey here? Or Emily?"

__

"No. I want you gone, or I should leave."

"Where would you go? Port Charles?" he saw her flash of fear and knew that was a no.

__

"Jason you should leave, you know I'm going to hurt you. Why would you stay?" her hand shook slightly when she wrote the question.

He picked up a pencil and wrote the answer on the pad. _"Because I love you."_

She stared at those words until they seemed to blend together into a black lump. He loved her. God everything inside of her seemed to bloom when she read those words. And then it died again.

__

"I already turned you down once. How many times are you going to make me do that to you before you realize that I don't love you?"

Even though he knew she didn't mean them, those words hurt. He knew she was trying to pick a fight with him, because the kiss had unsettled her, and he wasn't going to give her one. "It doesn't matter what you say Elizabeth, I love you so I'm not going anywhere," he told her before heading back to the sink.

God was he always this stubborn? She tore the sheet from the pad and wadded it up. She knew how she could make him stop caring, but it would hurt him very badly in the process. What did Kate call her? A selfish bitch? Maybe she was but not in the way that Kate thought. Before she could change her mind she wrote it down, then threw the wadded paper at him to get his attention.

Jason took a deep breath trying to prepare himself for the next assault. He turned around and read the words, and felt a part of his heart break.

__

"That night after I left you in the park, I went to Lucky and I slept with him."

It took work but he kept his face expressionless. "So you did what you wanted to do then?" he questioned.

Her mouth dropped open in surprise and she scribbled on the paper.

__

"I fucked him that night. Doesn't that tell you that I never gave a damn about you?"

Since he had begun to use his control, he rarely ever lost it, but she was pushing him, deliberately provoking him to react. He knew what she said was probably true, and hard as it was to read, he focused on her eyes, and looked past the anger there, to the resignation he saw in them.

He turned back to the sink and picked up a plate. "You never could lie to me Elizabeth, I know you care about me. That is what is making you so angry right now. You care about me and you don't want too. You don't want me to care about you so you are trying to drive me away. It won't work."

Infuriated she threw the sketchpad to the floor and sent the wheelchair in motion and disappeared down the hall.

Jason stayed where he was until he heard her door slam. Then slowly, so very slowly, as if it hurt him to move, he walked out of the kitchen and down to the gym. He would gladly handle being shot then go through another scene like that. 

His control slipping, he hit the lights to the gym and made his way over to the heavy bag. Anger like he hadn't felt before had him by the throat and he didn't even bother with the protective gloves. Instead he let go on the bag, pounding it over and over again, trying to erase the image of her shaky handwriting from his brain.

****

~Elizabeth's Room~

The tears she had held back since she had woken from the coma, were begging for release but she wouldn't let them fall. She wasn't going to cry, if she started she knew she would never stop. She had seen the hurt in his eyes, hurt that she had deliberately inflicted on him. She was glad she was still in the chair, she knew she would never be able to stand and carry around all the guilt she felt.

She moved over to the full-length mirror and looked at herself. When had she become this person? A person who would deliberately try to destroy someone she loved? It would have been better for them all if she had just died. It wasn't like she was ever going to be whole anyway.

__

~7 weeks earlier~

"Elizabeth before you check out there are some things that you need to know," Dr. Krychek moved behind her desk and sat down.

Elizabeth looked at her questions in her eyes. She couldn't wait until she could speak again. She had so much she wanted to say, especially to Jason. She wanted to beg his forgiveness, and for a second chance with him. If he said he didn't think of her as more then a friend anymore, she would beg to see if he would let her be in his life again anyway as a friend. Saying goodbye to him had hurt as bad as when she had lost her Lucky in the fire. Even if he never forgave her, she just wanted a chance to be in his life again. The mere fact that he was here helping her meant he still cared right? 

She refused to believe that he was here because he thought he owed her something for saving his life. If that were the case, as soon as they knew she was going to live, and be okay he would have left. At least that is what she hoped anyway. She knew she would walk again, talk again, paint again, and that would be great. The only way it would ever be wonderful was if he would be in her life again.

"Elizabeth?"

Dr. Krychek's soft voice brought her out of her reverie, and she nodded at the doctor to go on.

"I know you told me to discuss everything with Jason concerning your case, but I felt there were certain things that I needed to tell you first, and let you decide if you wanted me to tell Jason."

Elizabeth felt the first prickle of concern move through her, and shook her head. She couldn't stop the little thrill that shot through her, when her head obeyed her order and moved. For so long, she had been trapped by her body, but now parts of it were listening to her again.

"You already know about the paralyzation, and your vocal chords and how I feel they will reverse themselves with a lot of work," she sighed. "But there are some things that are never going to heal. Your organs were damaged, we had to remove your spleen entirely, and one of your kidneys is not functioning correctly. This makes you more susceptible to illness. You will never have the stamina you once had. Jason mentioned you liked to ice skate?"

Elizabeth nodded.

"It's more than likely that you won't be able to ice skate or do any strenuous activity for very long periods of time. Your lungs were weakened as well, and so was your heart. You can still live with these injuries, but it won't be the life you once had," she began to play with the cross around her neck. "Did you want kids at some point?"

Elizabeth nodded slowly, she didn't really like what she was hearing. She had never been the most active person in the world, or Miss Nature Girl, but it sounded like she would be inside a lot from now on. She didn't like that idea. She hated to be sick, and she didn't want to be sickly for the rest of her life. She wanted to travel, to explore, and she knew Jason wanted those things too.

"Then there is a problem," Dr. Krychek went on slowly as if weighing every word before letting it out. "Although you could get pregnant, your body more then likely would not survive a pregnancy and birth of a child. Your organs are going to be working very hard to keep you alive, they would not be able to sustain the additional burden of carrying a child."

Elizabeth looked down at her hands, she wanted to scream that this was a lie, that it couldn't be true. But she knew it was, it looked like Helena was going to get revenge on her after all. She had once dreamed of having Lucky's child, and recently had dreamed of having Jason's child, and now she would never have any. She didn't know how much she wanted a child, until the doctor took the option from her, entirely.

"There are other options, adoption, foster care, surrogacy," Dr. Krychek went on quickly. "Do you want me to tell Jason this?"

Jason. God Jason, how could she tell him this? He didn't know it but she had heard him the other night. He had been talking to her while he thought she was asleep. She had heard him say that he loved her. She wanted to open her eyes then and there, but she had decided to wait until she could tell him the same.

Now she was glad she hadn't told him. He was too good of a man to ever leave her because she couldn't have a child. He would more then likely say that it didn't even matter to him. She knew that at one time he had been planning a life with a woman who could never give him a child of her own. But she had seen his face when he spoke about Michael, she had been a witness to what losing Michael had done to him. Adoptions, surrogacy, foster care, there were no guarantees that a child they would get, wouldn't be taken from them. Taken from him. She couldn't bear to put him in that kind of pain again. Or given her obvious precarious health situation it was doubtful anyone would even let her adopt.

"Elizabeth do you want me to tell Jason?"

__

She shook her head so hard that she almost slipped from the chair, but the lap belt around her chest held her upright. Fighting back the tears she let the orderly take her to her room. It was her misfortune to hear him on the phone with Sonny. She heard him ask about Michael, and the love and longing she heard in his voice hardened her resolve.

She focused on the mirror again, if someone hadn't beat her too it, she would kill Helena with her bare hands. She shifted her legs and bent down and lifted the footpad, then she braced her hands on the arms of the wheelchair and pushed herself to her feet.

Her legs shook at the strain, but she slowly managed to stand upright. The sooner she got better the sooner she could leave. She wouldn't see Jason again. She shuffled her right foot a few inches forward. And more importantly he would never have to see her again. And wasn't that for the best? She tried to move her left foot forward and her body gave out and she went crashing to the floor. She didn't feel the pain as she hit the floor, she just curled into a ball.

Wouldn't that be for the best?

****

~Gym~

"Jason stop," Kate pulled on his arm and held her ground when he whirled on her fist raised.

The red haze vanished from his eyes when he recognized her and he quickly lowered his fist. "You shouldn't do that."

"I have been trying to get your attention for five minutes," Kate explained. Something bad had happened between them, if he was this bad. She could only imagine what shape Elizabeth was in.

"Leave me alone Kate," he was still on edge.

"No," she reached for his hands, the skin on the knuckles were broken and bleeding. "I'm going to save your hands."

He tried to pull them loose but her grip was surprisingly firm. "I can't talk to you now."

"Who said anything about talking?" Kate asked keeping a hold of his hand and leading him down the hall to the kitchen. "I was just trying to rescue the heavy bag from your abuse. Now sit."

He chafed at the order, but sat. Now that he had stopped for a while he could feel the pain in his hands, he had no idea how long he had been at the bag, but judging from the feeling in his hands it had been awhile.

"Now, not that I haven't wanted to smack something a time or two," Kate sat at the table and opened the first aid box and began to clean his wounds. "I have a feeling something else set you off."

He didn't even flinch when she swabbed the alcohol on his cuts. "I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this."

"Well I don't blame you, as far as I can see you've hung in a lot longer then you should have. In fact I would have quit a long time ago if I were in your shoes," she began to swab the other hand. "Elizabeth is a real bitch."

"Don't call her that."

Kate bit the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling. He wasn't going anywhere. "I call them like I see them. Here you bend over backwards for the girl and how does she repay you? By ignoring you and treating you like crap. That girl is so idiotic, she does her best to drive you away and what happens when you do leave the house? She parks herself at a window until she sees you coming back, then she smiles in relief and starts all over again. She is crazy."

"She's just scared," he defended her absently, he didn't know she watched for him.

"Bull pucky. What does that girl have to be scared of?"

"What does she have to be scared of?" Jason snapped. "Maybe the fact she almost died, that someone she loved turned into a killer, that she was paralyzed, she can't speak. She must feel like everything is changing and there isn't a damn thing she can do about it."

"So shit happens in life. You just have to deal with it. Change happens to everyone, so does disappointment. Until she learns not to wallow in it, she isn't worth saving," she tightened the lid on the alcohol bottle.

Jason was quiet and automatically flexed his fingers testing for a sting.

"I left the mail here on the table, you got some for a change," Kate told him heading for the door. "Catch."

Jason automatically caught the crumpled piece of paper she lobbed at him. "You might find it interesting."

Jason set the sketch down and reached for the mail he hadn't wanted to look at earlier. He wasn't surprised to see letters from Audrey, Nikolas and Emily for Elizabeth, as well as one for him from Emily. What did surprise him was a letter addressed to him from Audrey. He studied it for a long minute before opening it.

__

Jason,

Your latest letter forced me to do some serious soul searching and I realized I didn't like what I found out about myself. I had always thought I was a tolerant person, willing to judge a person by what I saw not what I heard about them. But in your case, I didn't do that, instead I judged you on what I heard from the news, and from others. I doubt my words to you hurt you in any way, but I am sorry for saying them.

I hurt Elizabeth as well when all she did was what I always wanted her to do, and that was to be a friend. It has taken a long time for me to realize it, but you are Elizabeth's friend, perhaps the best she's ever had. So for that I am eternally grateful. I will never be comfortable with what you do, or feel that Elizabeth is fully safe when she is with you. But I've learned something recently no one is ever fully safe.

I could read the pain and frustration in your letter, and I think maybe I can explain some of what drives Elizabeth. Claire and Jeff were never good parents to her, I say to her, because they were good to Sarah and Steven. She saw that, and she believed that there was something that was lacking in her, because they didn't love her. When I think of how they hurt her, I still want to scream.

When she first came to stay with me, she tested me. Claire and Jeff would send her away to live with friends or family when they got fed up with her, so she thought I would do the same. She lied, smoked, snuck out of the house, took my car, and each time she did she dared me to send her back. She was expecting me to send her back, because no one ever stayed before. It took a lot of time, but I finally convinced her that I was here to stay.

She is testing you because of who she is, and also the situation she is in. I have only recently learned from Nikolas how bad things had become for her here. She didn't have any control in her life. She pushed everyone out of her life in an effort to help Lucky. I know how much she wanted to help Lucky. He was the first person in her life that loved her because he wanted too, not because he had too. He was the first that stuck around not out of obligation but because of that love. So she couldn't let it go, she didn't know how to let it go. Even though I believe she already had let him go and moved on with her life, thanks to you.

But Elizabeth is very loyal, and stubborn, and she couldn't help Lucky and keep you in her life. She couldn't help him and go to school, or have friends, or family, so she let us all go to help him. The only thing she could control in her life was her body, and now that has failed her too.

I had a stroke a few years ago, and I know how it affected me. I had those same fears, and I am so much older then Elizabeth. You don't know how much you take walking, or moving, or speaking for granted until you can't do it. It scared me so bad, and I know that it is terrifying for her. Not only because of the injury, but because now she can't control anything in her life.

So she is afraid, she feels adrift, and she is pushing you away because she doesn't want to be an obligation to you. I'm afraid she's felt like that for most of her life, and as unsettling as this year has been for her, I feel her old fears have returned.

Elizabeth will lash out at you Jason. She will do everything she can to hurt you, to try to make you leave. Because she thinks it won't hurt as bad, then if you left her later on, by your own choice. She also might think that she deserves what happened to her. Something bad happened to her once before and for a time a part of her believed that she deserved what happened. She didn't of course, but she thought she did. There is a chance that she is thinking like that now.

You have an uphill battle ahead of you, because the one person in her life that convinced her that he loved her, not out of obligation but out of love was Lucky. And look at what happened to him, and to her, and how that love got twisted into something ugly.

Now it is my turn to worry that this is not making sense. All I can say is please don't give up on her, because I really do believe you are her best hope.

One more thing, I wish you would call me Audrey.

Audrey

Jason read the letter twice before he finally set it down, Audrey knew her granddaughter better then he thought she did. Probably better then even Elizabeth thought she did. She had pointed out some things that he hadn't gotten around to thinking about, and it did help explain Elizabeth's actions.

With a sigh he unfurled the wadded paper and looked at the sketch. He couldn't really make it out. She had written something at the bottom and he squinted trying to decipher the writing. _My last hope…gone_

He frowned hard at the sketch trying to make it out, but couldn't. Cursing his block he got to his feet and went looking for Kate.

"What?" Kate jerked up in bed when Jason burst in her room. "Jason you may be frustrated but you are a bit young for me."

Jason ignored her words. "What is this a picture of?" He shoved the sketch under her nose.

She glanced at the bedside table and the glasses there that her vanity never allowed her to wear in front of people, then squinted at his face and saw the frustration there. With a sigh she pulled her glasses on and looked at the sketch. "It's you, your standing in a park, holding out your hand," she told him whipping the glasses off her face before looking up.

The last of the anger drained from him and he backed away from her. "Thanks."

Kate just shook her head she would never understand men.

****

~The Next Day~

Elizabeth hadn't seen Jason all day and she couldn't help but be worried. Kate hadn't said anything about him leaving, but it wasn't like him not to be here. When she found herself going by his room for the third time in fifteen minutes she couldn't help but shake her head in disgust.

This is what she wanted, she wanted him gone, out of her life. It looked like he had listened to her and left, so why was she upset? She had been trying to drive him away for seven weeks now. She was glad he was gone, she clenched a fist and tried hard to swallow the lump in her throat. She was glad because now she wouldn't hurt him anymore.

She couldn't stay inside anymore, his presence seemed to be everywhere. Moving to the back door, she pushed it open and stopped in surprise. Her heartbeat soared and she couldn't stop the wide smile from spreading across her face when she saw him asleep in a hammock at the end of the deck. He hadn't left, he was still here, and she couldn't help but feel happy.

Elizabeth moved closer to him, the quiet hum of the wheelchair blended in with the noise of the ocean and the breeze, so that he remained oblivious to her approach. His face softened when he slept. She had noticed that when he was staying at the studio with her. The edges softened and his face looked younger, while he slept. A strong breeze whipped around them and sent the hammock in motion but he didn't stir so she moved closer.

It was good to study him when he wasn't aware, she was always afraid to watch him when he was awake, afraid her eyes might give away too much. But now it was safe. She knew he was probably angry with her, but he wouldn't let on. That was just the way he was, he didn't confront the people he cared about in anger. Well unless they were Carly. Instead he shut them out, she couldn't help but wonder when he woke up if that was what he would do to her.

Sighing she lowered her gaze, and frowned when she saw his hands. They were bruised and cut up. She knew they hadn't been like that last night. It looked like he had gotten in a fight. Biting her lip she reached out and picked up his hand. He had beaten the hell out of something, and she was probably the reason he did that.

Pain seemed to be the only thing she could bring to him. She brought his bruised knuckles up to her mouth and kissed them lightly. A tear splashed on his hand before she could stop it. She closed her eyes to stop the rest then turned to look at his face, knowing that he was awake now.

For once he could read her eyes, and he saw the fear, the pain, and the regret that spilled from them, unlike the tears that she still held back. Moving quickly he sat up and lifted her settling her on the hammock next to him in one fluid motion. He had expected a fight, but she didn't try to fight him, she just let him move her.

She rested her head on his shoulder, her left arm sprawled over his chest, and after a minute she sighed and moved her left leg slowly, so it covered his. He could tell from her face that the movement cost her, but she did it anyway. He traced her back with his left hand, trying to ease the tension that was still there.

It took time, how long he didn't know but the tension gradually seeped from her body and she let herself relax, all except her left hand. That she kept curled around his shirt as if she was afraid to let him go. He didn't question her apparent about face from the previous night. He would hold her for as long as she let him and it would never be long enough for him. He brushed a kiss on her forehead then closed his eyes again as the breeze once again set the hammock into motion.

She felt safe for the first time in years. For the first time in all these hellish months she felt at peace. Whether it would last for a minute, an hour, an afternoon, or however long she could battle back her demons she would take it. Because right now she needed him more then she needed her next breath.

Kate watched them from the window and brushed at a tear. Christ she was such a sap.

~*~*~*~

__

There is one last part and it brings in the familiars from Port Chuckles again. If you want to read it please let me know.


	3. Hope

****

The Silence of Hope

Conclusion

****

~Safe House~

Jason knifed through the water quickly, his movements were economical no wasted motion, his stroke was strong, steady almost monotonous. His breathing, easy to control, and the swim itself was so mindless that it gave his mind plenty of time to wander. The direction it wandered was the place it always went, right to Elizabeth.

Tucking his body he flipped over when he reached the edge of the pool, his powerful legs kicking the wall propelling him through the water. Who was he kidding, Elizabeth was always on his mind whether he admitted it or not.

The past two months had flown by in comparison to the first two months. Since that afternoon that she had let him hold her, a sense of uneasy peace seemed to have descended on the house. She would smile at him now, and didn't leave the room when he walked into it anymore. The silence that was once so loud between them was more comfortable, most of the time anyway.

Her progress had been remarkable, as well, even Kate had commented that since her attitude had changed she was improving more rapidly. She could stand now, though she primarily kept her weight on her right leg. She could walk with the aid of a walker. So for a couple of hours a day Kate had her up and mobile, and he couldn't help but be thrilled about that.

But as happy as her progress made him, there were still several things that worried him. She still refused to speak, or to even try to speak. At her most recent checkup the doctor had said that there was no medical reason for her not to try speaking. The doctor had said that the damage to her vocal chords wasn't severe enough to paralyze them forever. To his knowledge though, she had never even tried. She adamantly refused to do the exercises Kate tried to make her do, and whenever he brought the subject up she got mad at him and retreated.

He took another quick breath of air before flipping and beginning his next lap. She also refused to read any of the letters from home. She had quite a stack of unopened letters on her desk that she refused to even look at it. Every time he tried to talk about Emily or Audrey she would leave the room.

But the most distressing thing was her art, or rather the lack of art. She had full control of her hands and fingers now, but other then that first night she hadn't sketched a thing. That worried him more then anything. Even at the height of her grief over losing Lucky she had drawn, painted, but now she was refusing to.

His lungs were beginning to burn, his arms were tiring slightly and he knew that he would have to stop soon, but he didn't want to. He would deny it to his dying breath but a part of him didn't want to leave the pool, he wanted to stay in here for as long as he could. Because he knew that once he did get out of the pool he would be facing the wrath of both of the women in the house.

Kate was breathing fire at him. She wanted him to push Elizabeth again. To try to force her to try to make her speak, or at least get to the bottom of why she was refusing to. Kate didn't beat around the bush, she ordered and if you weren't quick enough to follow the order, she was pretty quick with the snap of a dishtowel. 

He slowed his pace to a leisurely crawl. He had never met anyone quite like Kate. She wasn't intimidated by him, or afraid of him. The look that he used to ice people out just made her laugh. And the glare she leveled at him made him agree to do things he didn't want to do.

Things like breaking the tentative truce he had going with Elizabeth. He sighed and turned over to float on his back, to let his breathing settle. He knew that Kate was right, that Elizabeth was still holding back. He had known that he would have to push her again, long before Kate had started in on him, yet he still hesitated.

He had been allowing himself to be selfish for a change. He enjoyed having her relax around him again, the small smiles that she gave him every once in awhile, made his days bearable. He didn't want to lose that, and once he started pressuring her, he knew he would.

A noise caught his attention and he tilted his head and saw Elizabeth slowly making her way down to the pool. He was getting used to the surge his heart seemed to make every time he saw her, and the thrill he still got every time he saw her on her feet. She looked better then she'd had in months, and he knew she would get even better. She looked over at him and smiled tentatively, before bowing her head to concentrate on walking again.

Seeing the perspiration on her face, and the familiar shake of her left leg, he began to move to the side of the pool. Her left leg was still giving her problems. The strength didn't seem to be coming back to it like it had to her right leg. The checkup that she'd had yesterday wasn't very encouraging either.

While every other part of her body had gotten stronger, during the two weeks between checkups, her left leg hadn't. The doctor had told them that there was a chance that it might never get any stronger then what it was at now. He had stressed that it was only a chance but it was still unsettling news.

Elizabeth had retreated to her room when they had gotten home, only coming out briefly to eat, before disappearing again. He had been afraid that she was going to withdraw again, but this morning she had beaten Kate into the gym. So he had been relieved until he walked into the gym and she smiled at him. It was the fake, plastic, 'I'm Okay, You're Okay' smile that had been on her face all the time during his last trip home to Port Charles. It meant she was hiding in plain sight again.

It meant trouble.

"Hello Elizabeth," he stayed in the water and rested his arms against the edge of the pool, watching her sink wearily into a chair by the table.

She nodded at him before shifting her walker to the side and leaning back against the chair. God she wanted to scream. It was so frustrating wanting to do more then she could. She bit her lip, no what was frustrating was, wanting more then you could ever have. A good illustration of that was watching her right now. Even with her eyes closed she could feel his eyes on her, they warmed her skin more then the sun did.

Elizabeth sighed, she was playing with fire with Jason, she knew that and yet she couldn't seem to stop herself. Since that awful night when she had hurt him so badly, she couldn't bring herself to hurt him again. He wouldn't fight with her anyway, but she had stopped trying to make him.

Realizing that he would never leave her while she was still recovering, she had decided to try to recover as quickly as she could. To do that she worked harder and longer to get well. The sooner she was well the sooner he would be gone. She felt slightly chilled at that thought and couldn't help but feel sad. She didn't want him to go but it would be the best thing for him.

But until he did leave, she had decided to let herself enjoy being around him, and soak up all the memories she could, to help her when he was gone. It would probably hurt her far worse when he did leave, but she couldn't stop herself. She stopped being angry or remote with him, and instead let herself remember the easier time that had existed between them. Times like the beginning of their friendship, when they could spend hours together on his bike, without saying a word.

His bike that memory caused her to frown. Not once in the four months that they had been here had he ridden a bike. She knew how much he loved to ride. How much it helped him sort things out, when everything was so loud in his head. Yet he wasn't riding. And why was that? Because of her. His freedom to ride was yet another thing she had taken away from him.

"You shouldn't frown so."

Jason's voice came from her right and startled her so much, that she jerked wildly, bumping the table and spilling his drink. She hadn't even heard him get out of the water and join her.

"Take it easy," Jason righted the glass and blotted at the liquid on the table. He had seen how hard she was concentrating, and judging from her reaction he wasn't sure he was going to like what she was thinking about.

Elizabeth pulled the napkins from his hand, and tried to clean up the mess herself, but she only made it worse. She must like making things worse, she seemed to do it often enough. Frowning at the thought she scrubbed harder at the table. Her movements tipped the glass over again and this time it rolled off the table and broke into pieces as it hit the floor.

Jason was out of his chair and by the broken glass almost before it finished breaking. "I'll get this."

No she wasn't going to rely on anyone cleaning up her messes anymore. She bent over in the chair and began to pick up the glass herself.

"Elizabeth I said I would do it," he took the glass from her hands. "It will only take a minute.

For some reason his actions infuriated her. She picked up a glass from the table and threw it to the ground a few feet away.

Jason turned his head at the sound, and looked from the glass to her angry face. He had gotten used to seeing her upset but this time it was more then that. The anger on her face was plain to see, but her eyes were wild, close to out of control. He knew then that she was aware of the little edge of tension that had been building in the house, aware of it and tired of it as well. It was time to push again. "Did that make you feel better?"

She made a face at him and then threw another glass. Sometimes that calm in control face of his really drove her insane.

"I guess not," Jason commented and gestured to the table. "You still have some left if you're not through with your temper tantrum."

Temper tantrum! The mere suggestion of that caused her to throw the rest of the glasses from the table. God he was the most infuriating man.

Jason shifted on his feet and watched her launch the glasses. She was aiming well away from him, so though she may be mad at him, he still wasn't her target. "Feel better?" he asked when she ran out of things to throw.

Incensed and embarrassed with herself for losing control like that, and feeling frustrated because he seemed so blasé about it all, she lurched to her feet and reached for her walker. She needed to get away from him before she lost all of her control. She was too close to the edge, if he knew that he might push, and she didn't know if she could handle that today.

Jason could see that she was on edge and he knew it was time to try to push her over it. He shifted so he was standing in front of her. "So what is the name of this game Elizabeth? The I can do anything I want, because I'm hurt, and get away with it game?"

She ignored the words and tried to shift around him, but he just shifted along with her. She put a hand on his chest to push him out of the way. Her hand came in contact with his hot, wet skin and she belatedly remembered that he was only wearing swim trunks that hung low on his hips. In spite of herself she let her eyes rove over his body. She wanted to store the image in her brain so she would be able to remember it for the rest of her life.

He saw the flash of desire in her eyes and kept quiet waiting for her to make the next move.

Her eyes instinctively went to the side of his bullet wound, the wound that she had helped treat. She had been so afraid that he was going to die on her that day she had found him in the snow. That fear and the fear of her not being good enough to help him consumed her for days and had lasted long after she knew he would recover.

The faint scar was barely a few inches long, a thin white ribbon on another wise smooth and tan chest. It wasn't the only scar on his body, she could see a scar from another bullet wound as well. But this was the one that was personal to her. Her finger traced the scar lightly, she had thought it would be bigger. It had come so close to killing him that it should look far worse then it did.

She hated to think it, but his getting shot, was, in some respects, good for her. Not that she ever wanted him to be hurt or in pain, and that she didn't wish it had never happened to him at all. But when she had to focus on him so entirely to help him, she'd had to let Lucky go. She knew she would always miss him, and a part of her would always love him, but she wasn't grieving for him anymore. She couldn't because she had other things to focus on, namely Jason.

Her hand moved lower on his chest, over his ribcage, to touch the other bullet scar. She hadn't known him when he had been shot then. Emily had told her about it, told her that he had come real close to dying. That thought chilled her to the bone. The idea that he could have died before she even met him, terrified her.

Christ she was fondling him. The realization of what she was doing hit her and she flushed dropping her hand and her eyes so she was looking at her feet. Her hands tightened on the walker and she shifted again trying to move around him.

He covered her hands on the walker. "We need to talk."

If it was possible her grip on the handles tightened even more and she vehemently shook her head.

"This time Elizabeth I'm going to insist," he really didn't want to force her. But things couldn't go on the way they had been. He had seen the desire and longing in her eyes when she had touched him, but more then that he had seen the love as well. At least until she had realized what she was doing and that damn wall of hers came crashing down again.

She tried to jerk free of his hold on her walker, but couldn't. Anger returned and she lifted her head to glare at him.

"Why don't you ask me to let you go?"

At his question she jerked hard on the walker but it refused to budge. She needed to get away from him

"How can you find out if you can speak if you never even try?" Jason pressed her. "Just open your mouth and try it," he coaxed her softly.

She shook her head and yanked hard freeing her hands from under his on the walker, the suddenness of her release caused her to stagger backwards. Jason caught her and steadied her before she could fall. As soon as she was steady she brushed his hands off of her and shoved him back a step. Anger had her doing things she wouldn't normally do.

The surprise of her move caught him off guard and he took a step back. The move also caused his temper to start on a slow burn. He was getting tired of this push/pull thing that they seemed to have going on.

Even in her anger she saw his eyes change and a glow of determination enter them, maybe she had finally pushed him too far. She let out a startled exclamation when he moved around the walker and picked her up, heading for the pool. She was too surprised to struggle until the first of the water hit her still sneaker-clad foot. Once that happened she started squirming and hitting his shoulders trying to get him to release her.

Jason ignored her struggles and kept moving until they were in the deeper end of the pool, then he let go of her legs so she could float in the water on her own. Her arms instinctively wrapped around his neck and he felt a momentary pang of guilt. He knew she hadn't been this deep in the water during her recovery. She normally stuck to the shallow end with Kate. It was probably a little scary to be out here, when she knew her legs weren't that strong.

Her clothes were plastered to her chest and she was plastered to Jason. She knew he wouldn't let her get hurt, but it felt strange being out here. She felt too free, too loose, she needed the ground to keep her in control.

"Elizabeth," his voice was soft to reassure her. "Nothing will happen to you, I won't let it," he reached up and unclasped her hands from his neck and drew back from her slightly but kept his hands on her arms. "You know I won't let anything happen to you, don't you?"

She nodded immediately. She had never been afraid of Jason, and she never would be. When he let go of her arms, she began to move them to keep herself afloat. She eyed him warily waiting to see what his next move was.

He saw the suspicion in her eyes, but so far she hadn't tried to get out of the pool so he took that as a good sign. "We need to talk, and the only way we can do that, is if you are in some place where you can't run away from me."

Shifting her eyes she looked at the stairs leading to the deck behind him. They were a good 15 feet away, and she didn't know if she would make it without help.

"I know this may seem mean, but you are frustrating me Elizabeth. We are getting along better then we have in months, yet you're still hiding from yourself, and me. That can't go on."

His words made her uneasy, and despite the hot midday sun she shivered.

"You won't speak, even though I know you love to talk. You won't even try. Elizabeth you could talk about everything and nothing at all for hours, and it was treat to listen to you think," he padded closer to her when her eyes whipped to the side of the pool and the ledge that was about 7 feet away.

"But now it's like your hiding in the silence. As long as you don't speak, you don't have to make things real." He watched her when she shifted and began to dog paddle her way over to the edge of the pool. He kept a close eye on her struggle, but other than it just being difficult for her because she was weak, she wasn't having any problems.

"Then there's your refusal to read any of your letters. I know you love the family you have, the one you made for yourself. Your Grandmother, Emily, Nikolas, they are important to you, and yet you shut them out. You let their letters pile up as if you're hoping that they will forget you. That you hope you will never have to deal with them again." 

By now she had reached the ledge and put her toes on the thin ledge on the edge of the pool. Bracing her hands on the top, she tried to push her way up, but couldn't. Sinking back in the water, she tried again. But she was too weak. She was beginning to feel desperate, she couldn't be here with him, she couldn't hear his soft words. His words were making something happen inside of her. The walls that she had built were cracking and she didn't want that.

He shadowed her as she began to move along the edge towards the stairs at the shallow end of the pool. "Then there's your art. You need to draw the way some people need to breathe, and you refuse to. I thought you were just afraid you wouldn't be any good. But I saw that the sketch the first night," at those words she froze. "It was shaky, but it was good."

Her sketch of him, how could he have known what it was? She turned to look at him then.

"Kate told me," he answered the unspoken question in her eyes. "Although I could read the words myself. My Last Hope…Gone. What did you mean by that Elizabeth?"

Ignoring him she began to move towards the stairs, her feet were finally able to touch the ground again, and she moved from the tiny ledge inward slightly to use both of her feet.

"I thought you were pushing me away because you were afraid that you would be in the wheelchair. But you're fighting that, just like Emily is fighting her way back, she walking with a cane by the way. Do you feel that if she was in the wheelchair that she wouldn't deserve to be happy?"

She shook her head.

"I didn't think so. So that made me reconsider and I really thought about it a lot. Talking, spending time with your family, drawing, even spending time with me, were all things that you loved to do. Some of them were things you loved the most in your life. So I got to thinking that maybe if you started doing them again, that would mean you would have to start living again."

It was hard to push her way through the water, but it was harder to hear his reasoning. God he knew her so well. Her breathing was beginning to come in pants but it wasn't from the exertion.

"And you don't want to live again," he moved so he was behind her. "You don't want too, because you feel like you failed, you feel guilty because you're alive and they're dead."

She had reached the steps then but stopped before going up them.

Looking at her rigid back he kept talking. "You did everything in your power to help Lucky, and in the end it wasn't enough. He still died, he was still lost, and you hate that you failed him. You hate that him, Laura, and Luke are dead. While you're still alive. So you're punishing yourself by giving up the people and the things you loved the most. Sonny's like that, he punishes himself when things go wrong. He pushes people away because he thinks he doesn't deserve to be around them. He even tries to push me away. It never works though, I'll never abandon him, just like I will never abandon you Elizabeth. No matter how hard you try to push me out of your life."

Something was breaking inside of her, that wall of hers was shattering. She brought her hand to her face, and pulled it away in surprise when she felt the moisture there. She was crying, she hadn't cried since this had started.

He saw her shoulders slump and then begin to shake and moved closer so he was right behind her, he reached out and touched her arm. At his touch she jerked away and moved to the side of the pool and braced her hands on the edge, keeping her back to him.

"You did your best Elizabeth, you did more then most people would ever even think of doing. You shouldn't punish yourself for being alive," he changed tactics then. "Do you think Nikolas should punish himself? After all he's still alive, he failed, in fact he's the one who killed Lucky. Should he punish himself?" 

She shook her head violently, dashing at the tears on her face but they wouldn't be stopped.

He couldn't keep hammering her like this, her shoulders were shaking so hard it was breaking his heart. He moved so he stood behind her, his hands resting on the ledge beside her. "Let it out Elizabeth, let yourself heal. You did nothing wrong."

But she was alive, she would never be completely healed, but she would live. She was alive and the Spencer's were dead. That wasn't right was it?

"The Lucky you loved would never want you to be sad for being alive," he whispered the words against her hair.

__

"Dreams of gold Elizabeth."

Lucky's words of long ago came back to her, and the dam finally broke. Resting her head on her hands she finally let the tears come. She had let him down, but she had tried not to. She had tried to make up for that by giving up what gave her pleasure. Self-denial and self-punishment were the only way she knew to deal with the disappointment, and they weren't right.

"Let it out," Jason whispered touching her back lightly trying to offer comfort. He was surprised when she turned around and wrapped her arms around his neck. "You're safe Elizabeth," he held her close and let her cry. He knew that with the tears, her mental healing had finally begun. So as much as it hurt him to see her cry he just held her while she did.

~*~

Elizabeth's tears finally subsided, leaving her feeling empty, drained, and tired, so very tired. But it wasn't the same tiredness that she had been feeling. This tiredness was more peaceful, she wasn't holding things back anymore. Sighing she shifted her head so it was resting on Jason's shoulder. Sometime while she was crying he had moved them, so he was leaning against the wall, she was still holding onto him, her legs floating free, his hand rubbing her back.

Jason was relieved to hear her sigh, she had cried for so long that he had been worried. She wasn't someone who bottled up her emotions, but that was what she had been doing for the past four months.

She drew back and he let her go reluctantly, keeping his hands on her waist. She placed her hands on his shoulders while she studied his face. He brought one hand up and brushed the remaining tears from her cheek. She smiled when he put more water on her face, then what he brushed off.

His heart warmed at the smile, it was one of the few genuine ones she had given him. A little too wide, but, lighting up her whole face. The smile and the softness in her eyes compelled him to move.

Cupping her face in his hands he drew her closer, and she didn't resist the pull. He paused when their faces were a few inches apart, his eyes searching hers. She sighed and he felt her warm breath against his lips an instant before he so gently, and so patiently, lowered his mouth to hers.

Her heart fluttered and the sensation of his mouth on hers was so sweet and pure, it woke a need in her that she didn't know she was capable of. He drew her closer and she seemed to float into him, her lips parting on a sigh.

Jason wanted to keep the pressure light, his hold on her gentle, so she could pull back if she wanted to. Her hands moved up his strong arms, lingering on the muscles in his biceps before linking behind his neck. This was what he wanted to do, to show her how much he cared, how tender he could be. He let himself slide into her slowly and gently, getting to know her mouth, her taste, until it was as familiar to him as his own.

They broke briefly for air, before she pulled his mouth back to hers. He was touching her, drawing her against him, but she didn't mind, she only wanted to be closer still. His body was so hard and firm, while hers was soft and trembling. The differences between them should have been jarring to her, but their differences complimented each other.

He was so big, so strong that if he wanted too he could break her in two. And yet…and yet his hands were stroking her so lightly, like she was so delicate, that if he pressed to hard she would break.

Her tongue slid over his lips and his mouth opened and she slipped inside learning his taste. Her tongue brushed his and he heard her moan in desire, it was enough to snap the restraint he was trying to hold onto. His arms tightened around her and his mouth worked under hers, his hand buried in her hair increasing the pressure.

Gentleness was replaced by desire, and she whimpered in response. His hand cupped her breast through her shirt, like it was the most natural thing in the world. His thumb traced the sensitive skin of her nipple, hardening it under his touch and she bucked against him.

His mouth drifted from hers to roam her face, and yet it was still hard for her to breathe. He was touching her, those big strong hands of his were gliding over her, and his mouth. His warm, wet mouth was molding her skin and it felt so deliciously good. Something that made her feel this good had to be wrong, but she didn't care.

All of those months of waiting, watching, and wanting seemed to drift away now that she was here in his arms. He could kiss her until the world spun off its axis and never tire of it. Driven by need, he captured her mouth again and devoured it, steeping himself in her. The shape of her mouth, the deep dip in her lip, drove him crazy. He crushed her mouth under his, traced it with his frantic tongue then dived inside to plunder.

His heart was thundering, his blood was racing, making his body throb in anticipation and want. She was everything, soft and small and sweet, everything he craved, everything he needed in his life.

His hand drifted under her shirt seeking her skin and she suddenly went rigid in his arms and tried to pull away. He was slow to react to her sudden resistance, it was so unexpected that he continued to kiss her. She twisted her head freeing her mouth and shoved hard at his chest, trying to free her body. Desire still had him by the throat and his body didn't let her go right away.

Desperation, it clogged her throat and grayed her vision. She needed to get away from him, she reacted to the tightening of his hold by slapping him, and stunning them both.

Jason let her go as soon as her hand made contact, his eyes registering the stunned surprise he felt. Elizabeth whimpered and moved towards the stairs, crawling up them and out of the water, and away from him. Stunned into immobility he could do nothing but watch her go.

Her breathing was ragged, and her lungs were burning, by the time she made it out of the pool. She got to her knees and tried to push her way to her feet. But her legs shook and wouldn't support her and she fell back on the deck.

Jason was out of the water and beside her as soon as she fell. He touched her back and she jerked away and tried to crawl away from him.

"Let me help you." His words were a plea.

She shook her head and tried to get to her feet, only to fall again.

"You're going to hurt yourself," Jason reached out. "Let me help."

Elizabeth caught his hands and shoved them back when he tried to touch her.

He bowed his head in frustration, it was like she was afraid of him. "Please Elizabeth."

She tried to crawl again and again her body failed her, defeated she curled into a ball on the hot cement of the deck.

"Jason, let me," Kate moved past him to. "Elizabeth honey," she whispered touching the girls shaking shoulders. "Let me help you," she eased Elizabeth into a sitting position and rocked her when the tears came.

Jason got to his feet, his eyes meeting Kate over Elizabeth's back. Kate glanced towards the house. He nodded and slowly turned away to head for the house, the sounds of her sobs dogging his every step. He shouldn't have lost control like that. She was finally letting go, he had finally reached her, and he had blown it. He must have scared her, and the mere idea of that was enough to kill him.

He stalked into the house and slammed the door behind him so hard the glass rattled. It was just, he had wanted to kiss her for so long, that when she finally let him, it was hard for him to stop. He wanted to hit something, preferably himself, he couldn't get the image of her crawling away from him out of his mind.

Maybe he should leave. It seemed like his presence here was hurting her. Maybe he should just go. Before he could pursue that thought any further, the phone rang shattering the silence of the kitchen. With a muttered oath he walked over and answered it. "Morgan."

****

~Pool~

"There we go," Kate said brightly after helping Elizabeth settle in a chair. "Here," she held out a towel.

Elizabeth buried her face in the towel and tried to make sense of what had happened. The only thing she could really think of was the fact that she had hit Jason. Nothing made sense to her anymore, because she had hit him. Why had she hit him? A part of her knew the answer to that, and that part wouldn't be silent anymore. She had slapped him because he was making her feel, he was making her feel alive again, and making her forget everything else, but him. When he was kissing her she felt like there was nothing she couldn't do, it was so much more then she'd ever dreamed it could be.

She was giving into him, giving up all her fears, and taking what he offered, and then she had shifted. She had shifted and her left leg had locked up on her, and the realization of who she was came crashing in on her again. That realization had caused her to pull away from him. She didn't deserve him, she could never have him. She remembered the flash of surprise and hurt in his eyes when she had slapped him. She had never wanted to hurt him again, and now it seemed she had caused him even more pain.

"I think its time for you and me to have a talk."

Kate's voice interrupted her trip down memory lane, and she shook her head no.

"For starters you can stop with the head shakes, I know you can speak."

Elizabeth looked over at her.

"My room is beside yours, I can hear you practicing. You can speak, at least a little, so why you won't is yet another mystery to me." Kate moved the walker out of the way when Elizabeth reached for it. "No I'm not like Jason, I'm not going to let you walk all over me the way you do him."

Elizabeth glared at her but couldn't help but feel guilty. She knew she treated Jason badly, and he hadn't called her on it, until today, and look at what she had done to him then.

"I asked you once if you were a selfish bitch, well I guess I finally got my answer," Kate tapped her fingers on the table. "You are a bitch. You are deliberately keeping him in hell, by making him worry about you all the time. Making him wonder why you won't talk, when you know damn well that you can."

Elizabeth crossed her arms over her chest and looked at the pool again. She could speak, but her throat hurt so badly when she did, that all she couldn't manage were a couple of words here and there. She didn't know why she didn't let Jason know. _Talking makes it real_. Maybe that was true, as long as she didn't have to speak the words, she could keep everything the same.

"You know I didn't want this to be the reason why you pushed him away. I searched and searched for some other reason to explain your actions, but I can't find any. Look at me," Kate snapped.

Elizabeth rolled her eyes in Kate's direction and sighed heavily.

"If you are pushing him away because you can't have kids, then you are one of the most selfish person I've ever met. And don't waste your time giving me that wounded look of yours," Kate warned her. "I'm not Jason those eyes of yours don't do a damn thing for me."

Elizabeth turned to look at the house then back at Kate.

"No he doesn't know," Kate answered the unspoken question. "I'm your nurse there is nothing about you that I don't know," she sighed and shook her head. "I was hoping I was wrong but apparently that is the reason you are being such a bitch to him."

Elizabeth's eyes couldn't but fill at Kate's harsh words. It was still hard for her to deal with the fact she wouldn't have kids. The more she thought about Kate dismissing what had happened to her, the more it began to make her mad.

Kate saw Elizabeth straighten up in her chair and the wounded look, disappear from her face and knew she was on the right track. "Does it suck that you can't have kids? Yes. Is it totally stupid to push Jason away because of that? Hell yes."

Hitting her legs Elizabeth glared at Kate. She was doing this to help Jason not hurt him. Why didn't Kate see that?

"You might convince yourself that you're being noble, but you're not. What you are being is selfish. You can't control your body, so you're trying to control his life."

Elizabeth shook her head and slammed her fist on the table.

"You're so sure that he'll stay with you out of pity," Kate's eyes narrowed and she went on craftily. "Or maybe you're afraid that he'll leave you if he knows. That's it isn't it?" she leaned back in her chair. "You're condemning him to do what you would do."

Elizabeth looked at her in confusion.

"If the situation were reversed, and you found out he was sterile, I bet you wouldn't even say goodbye to him before heading out the door."

Incensed Elizabeth shoved the table at Kate. She would never leave him because of that, leaving him because of something he couldn't control would be selfish. That realization made her pale, isn't that what she was doing to him?

"What's the matter little girl? Did I get a little too close to the truth?" Kate taunted getting to her feet. "You're so sure he would leave you, so that tells me that, that would be what you would do to him. Otherwise you wouldn't be so afraid to tell him, to trust him, to believe that he cares about you for you and not what he thinks you could give him."

Moving around the table Kate set the walker in front of Elizabeth. "That makes you sad and selfish Elizabeth. You don't know what is going to happen five minutes from now much less five months from now, yet you're trying to control it and him."

Kate paused on the steps. "I know you won't, because you like to keep him on a string, but if you ever cared for Jason. If you ever had any feelings at all for him, you would tell him what you really think about him and make a clean break. Don't keep torturing him, or giving him hope when all you're going to do in the end is hurt him."

Elizabeth stayed where she was after Kate left. She wasn't trying to control Jason, Kate was wrong. She was just trying to protect him, to make sure he had the best life he could have. She could never give him everything he deserved to have, kids, or someone he could travel and explore with, so it was only right that she let him go.

Kate was also wrong about something else, she would never leave Jason because he was sterile. She would still love him whether he could father children or not. So what was the difference? The question echoed in her head until she had to answer it. It was different because…because the lack was in her.

The tears started to form again, all her life people had a hard time loving her. If they couldn't love her when she was healthy and whole, how could they love her when she wasn't? She just wasn't a person someone could love forever.

__

"I love you Elizabeth," Jason took her hand and whispered in the dark of the hospital room. "That is never going to change, even if you never get out of that bed, or love me back. I will always love you, because for me to stop loving you, I would have to stop breathing."

Jason didn't lie, so those words had warmed her heart, but that was before she knew.

__

"You like to control him."

She wasn't trying to control him, she wasn't using the love he had for her to control him, the way Lucky had once used the memory of their love to control her. She wasn't doing that. Elizabeth shook her head, she was protecting him by doing what she had to do.

__

"I love you Elizabeth … _that is never going to change."_

Why did the thought of never seeing him again make it hard for her to breathe?

****

~Inside 2 hours later~

"Jason I don't think this is a good time," Kate addressed his back.

"Kate there will never be a good time," Jason brushed by her heading for the door. "Have you seen my keys?"

"They're on the hall table," Kate trailed him to the door.

Elizabeth moved quietly to the door to the kitchen and eavesdropped. Her eyes widened when she saw the way Jason was dressed. He was in his standard Port Charles clothes, jeans, boots, and a T-shirt. When he had been here, he had been in shorts or khakis all the time.

"Found them," Jason held up the keys and looked at his watch. "You know what to do Kate, I need to get to the airport."

Airport. The word reverberated in her head, and she staggered back from the door. She had finally done it, he was leaving. He was leaving her and he wasn't even going to say goodbye to her. Her heart seemed to shatter into pieces. Her blood was pumping so hard through her that she couldn't hear past its roar in her ears. He was leaving, she had finally won, he was leaving. She bit her lip hard trying to focus again.

"…the flight."

Flight, Jason's words killed the last of the hope still inside of her and her insides seemed to freeze.

"I wish you would change your mind about this," Kate leaned against the doorjamb and watched him move to the jeep.

"It's time Kate," Jason called back and climbed in the jeep.

Kate sighed and turned around, bumping into Elizabeth. Her face was stark white, and her eyes seemed dead, instantly concerned she reached out to check her pulse. "Are you okay?"

Elizabeth pulled her hand away and moved past Kate onto the porch. She made it to the five steep steps leading to the drive when she heard the jeep start. Her frantic eyes locked on the jeep and she opened her mouth to speak.

__

"Let him go, it's for the best."

"Stop him. You need him, you love him."

Jason put the jeep into gear and started moving forward.

"Jason."

The scream caused him to slam on his brakes. That had sounded like Elizabeth. Looking in the rearview mirror he saw her gripping the railing trying to make it down the steep stairs.

"Jason don't go," her weak voice carried to the jeep.

It had been so long since he'd heard her voice that for a minute all he could do was sit there. Movement seemed to come slowly to him, when it did come it was more out of habit then control. He let his foot off the clutch and the jeep died. He automatically set the emergency brake then jumped out of the jeep. "What?" he held his breath, he wanted to hear her speak again.

She struggled down another step before looking at him. "Don't…leave…me." The words were hard to say. Not because she didn't want to say them, but because it hurt her physically to say them. Her right foot lowered to find the next step and hit the ground instead, the unexpectedness of that caused her to stagger.

Jason caught her before she could fall, then kept going so he was on the ground with her on his lap. "Say something else," he ordered his eyes sparkling with unshed tears.

She put her hand on his cheek, she wouldn't deny him no matter what. "I'm sorry I hurt you," she took a breath. "I was scared … so I pushed … I pushed you away," a tear of guilt slipped from her eye. "Please don't leave me. I'll do better, I won't fight with you anymore," the words were killing her throat, each one softer and raspier then the last, but she kept talking. "Please don't go, don't leave…"

His mouth cut off the rest of her plea. Her arms locked around his neck trying to pull him closer. Her fear over losing him, made her think that he would never be close enough for her.

He broke the kiss and rested his forehead against hers. "Don't cry," he brushed away the tears. "I wasn't leaving you Elizabeth. Don't you know by now that I'm not going anywhere?"

She drew back in confusion. "Airport?"

"Yes I was going to the airport," he admitted. "I was going to pick Emily up. She called from the plane. She got tired of waiting for you to say that she could come, so she decided to come here on her own. She got the information out of Sonny somehow."

"Emily," she couldn't help but smile in relief and the last of her fears melted away.

"Yeah, I was going to have her stay in the grounds keeper's cottage at the end of the drive until I prepared you for her," he brushed a kiss on her lips. "Elizabeth you need to know that I never seriously thought about leaving you," he took her hand and pressed it to his heart. "You take up to much space in here for me ever to walk away from you. I love you."

Say it back Elizabeth, say it back. Kate's nose was pressed so hard against the screen door that she knew she was going to have criss-crossed indention's on her face for days, but she didn't care. She kept her hand over her mouth, so she wouldn't scream at Elizabeth to say it back.

Elizabeth smiled through her tears and framed his face in her hands. "I love you too Jason. More then I thought I could love anyone," she drew him closer and kissed him again. Mentally cursing herself for wasting all this time with him. His arm tightened around her and the knot that had taken up permanent residence in his stomach finally relaxed in the comforting balm of her words.

Kate backed away from the door and rubbed at her nose. She deserved to be rewarded for such good work, she opened the freezer and took out the hidden pint of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream, after all this matchmaking business was hard work.

****

~8 months later~

Elizabeth stepped off the elevator and headed for the door, the lock on it gave easily and she stepped inside. "Francis, you can just put those in the kitchen," she turned around but he was already moving past her into the kitchen. Shaking her head she closed the door, before following him into the kitchen. As she figured he had already located the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Ice Cream bars and was putting them in the freezer. "You know I think you love them as much as I do."

"Not true Mrs. Morgan," Francis countered. "You had three out of the last box, I only had two."

"Mrs. Morgan?" Elizabeth leaned her cane against the counter and began to unpack the bags. "I thought we agreed that at least when we were alone, that you would call me Elizabeth."

"I don't remember that," Francis took some cans from her and put them in a cabinet.

"I do. It was right before I gave you the last peanut butter bar," she reminded him.

"Don't you know that no one can be held to a promise they make while they are in the middle of a sweet tooth attack?"

"Welcher," she cried with a laugh.

"I am not."

"What did you welch on Francis?" Jason asked from the door.

"Nothing, your wife is mistaken," Francis shot her a warning glare and she stuck her tongue out at him. "I'll be outside," he said as he left.

"You've got him trained pretty good," Jason commented moving towards her.

"Do I have you trained too?" she leaned back against the counter and watched him move. It was such a pleasure to watch him move.

"Never," he caged her in against the counter.

"Then I better get busy," she whispered before bringing her mouth up to his. Every time he kissed her, it provoked the same response inside of her. Her knees went weak and the air seemed to crackle around them, she hoped that would never change.

He could never get enough of her mouth, it was always so warm and inviting, so…. "What?" he asked in confusion when she shoved him away.

"Quit trying to distract me, it's my night to cook."

Jason's face remained impassive, even as his insides lurched. "Are you sure its not take out night?"

"No," she moved away from him and pulled a recipe out of her bag. "I got it from Gram, she says its fool proof."

He rested his chin on her shoulder and frowned down at the recipe. "But is it Morgan proof?"

They had discovered early on that neither one of them could cook very well, yet both were too stubborn to admit it. So once a week one of them would try to cook. The rest of the evenings they ate out, ordered in, or went to Sonny's. In fact most of the nights one of them tried to cook, they normally still got take out. His hand dropped to the drawer that held the take out menus for every restaurant in town.

"Stop that Jason," she swatted his hand away. "This one will work."

He looked at her doubtfully.

"That's it, get out. I don't need this kind of negativity while I'm trying to create," she pushed on his chest to propel him to the door.

"I'm going," he dropped another kiss on her mouth before heading for the door. "I say we order from Mr. Fu's later," he told her then dodged the towel she threw at him.

Elizabeth turned back to the recipe with a smile on her face. Things were so perfect between them, it made her fears seem so stupid. They had been married for four months, and had been back in Port Charles for two months.

Being Jason's wife seemed to be something she was born to be, but being back home took some getting used to. The Quartermaine's had finally backed off again, once they knew she was his wife, Edward had tried to use her as a bridge to get through to Jason, but he was easy to ignore. The rest of the town seemed to be recovering from the shock of her return and her marriage.

Picking up her cane she moved to the refrigerator to get the milk. Having to use a cane wasn't as bad as she thought it would be. She knew that she would always use it, but it wasn't as debilitating as she had feared. They could still ride, and travel if they wanted to. Jason just said that now they would have more time to enjoy things instead of racing from spot to spot.

In her heart she knew he would react like that, but it was her head she'd had to convince. Still she had been relieved to hear him say that. She frowned slightly, she only wished she were as good as dealing with the prospect of never having kids. When she had finally told him why she had pushed him away, in typical Jason fashion he had been more concerned about her then himself. It had taken time and patience but he finally convinced her that it didn't matter to him, that she couldn't have kids. That if the time came and they decided that they wanted to have kids, that adoption would achieve that goal. Once he had finally won her over to that idea he had wasted no time in getting her to marry him.

But it was hard sometimes, she had to admit that. Normally it bothered her at night. The night seemed to be the time when all the doubts a person had, liked to come out and play. On those nights she would get up and sketch, normally until Jason came and took her back to bed. He never pressed her to talk about those nights, and for that she was grateful. By the morning she would have pushed the demons back, and everything was normal again, until the next time it happened.

Holding her hand up to the light she let it play on her wedding band. She hadn't wanted an engagement ring. The simple white gold wedding band was perfect for her, because he had the matching one on his finger. She had never been this happy, and she finally believed that she deserved to be this happy.

****

~Upstairs~

Jason heard the phone ring when he was pulling on his T-shirt, he crossed to the phone by the bed, but it stopped ringing before he could answer it. So he picked up the photograph by the bed instead. It was a photo of him and Elizabeth on their wedding day. He rubbed a finger over her face, she had looked so beautiful coming down that aisle with Audrey by her side.

He'd had to remind himself to breathe by the time she had reached him. One of the most vivid parts of the simple ceremony was when Audrey had taken his hand, and placed Elizabeth's in it. It was her way of blessing the wedding. Knowing that Audrey supported them, meant so much, because Audrey was the family of Elizabeth's heart.

Setting the photo down he hurried for the stairs. They had discovered that it was better for both of them to be in the kitchen when one of them tried to cook. That way someone was always available to use the fire extinguisher.

He grinned and shook his head, he could cook steaks, and Hamburgers, and she could cook brownies. Anything else, and they were asking for trouble. The grin slipped from his face when he saw Elizabeth standing immobile by the phone. "What's wrong?" he crossed to her swiftly when she didn't answer. "Elizabeth?"

She turned to look at him, a mixture of fear, hope, and tears in her eyes. "I'm pregnant."

****

~7 months later~

"There's your daughter Jason," Dr. Meadows said as the little girl's cries began to echo in the operating room.

"Is she okay?" Jason demanded, craning his neck to get a glimpse of her, but unwilling to leave Elizabeth's side.

"She's perfect," the doctor handed her off to a nurse and nodded at Monica Quartermaine. "Let's close her up. How's her pressure?"

"In normal range, her vitals are holding steady," the anesthesiologist replied after checking her gauges.

Monica was grateful for the mask that hid her relief. Her presence in the room was for a worst-case scenario, in case Elizabeth's heart failed during the cesarean. Ideally, being family, she shouldn't be the one to operate on Elizabeth anyway. But her other doctor had broken his hand, and Monica was the only other doctor familiar with Elizabeth's history.

"Did you hear that Elizabeth," Jason spoke to his wife even though he knew she was unconscious. "You did it, just like you said you would."

~*~

"We're moving her to recovery," Monica explained pulling off her mask and heading into the hall.

"How long before she wakes up?" Jason trailed her and began to remove his scrubs.

"The anesthesia should wear off in an hour," she nervously ran a hand over her blond hair.

"And how long after that, before it's considered a problem if she doesn't wake up?" Jason pressed keeping his focus on Monica, even after Sonny joined them.

"Jason," Monica hedged.

"Monica please, we both know how her organs responds to the anesthesia is the critical part," he rubbed at the back of his neck. "That the anesthesia could have caused her organs to shut down, maybe permanently. That was the whole reason you were in there with us."

"Two hours. No one has taken longer then that, without some sort of complication."

Jason held out his hand, for the watch, he had given Sonny to hold. "When can I see her?"

"It will take at least 15 minutes to get her settled, so I'll find you when she is," Monica headed down the hall. "Why don't you go see your daughter while you wait."

"A little girl?" Sonny asked and at Jason's nod a smile spread across his face. Jason and Elizabeth had known what the sex of the baby was but no one else did. "How much did she weigh?'

"5 lbs., 6 oz. 17 inches long."

"Damn Francis won the pool," Sonny smirked. "Are you sure he didn't have inside information?"

Jason shook his head and led the way to the nursery. He wasn't surprised to find Emily, Nikolas, and Audrey already there.

"Jason," Emily squealed when she caught sight of him. "She's beautiful."

Jason hugged her then moved to look at his daughter through the glass. Her tiny red face was screwed up into a cry.

"So how is Elizabeth?" Nikolas asked the question they all wanted to hear the answer to.

Jason glanced at him briefly before turning away. "She made it through the procedure fine, she's in recovery," he paused then forced himself to go on. "We'll know in an hour."

His words sobered the group and Audrey moved to stand beside him and put a hand on his back. "You more then anyone else, know how much fight there is in her."

Jason rested his forehead on the glass. "I know."

Audrey took his hand and looked straight ahead. "So what is my great-granddaughter's name?"

"It's Hope," he smiled. "Hope Elizabeth Morgan."

****

~Recovery~

Jason tried not to watch the clock, he really did. Instead he focused on his wife and her rhythmic breathing. He tried not to be, but he was aware of every second that ticked off the clock. He never wanted to watch her sleep in a hospital again. He never wanted her in a hospital again. Brushing her hair from her eyes he took her hand. Unlike the last time that he had held vigil at her bedside, this time her skin was warm to the touch. The silence in the room caused his mind to wander and he let the memories wash over him.

__

~7 months earlier~

"She could die Sonny," Jason cried. "I just got her back, and now she wants to do something, that will probably kill her."

Sonny had never seen his friend this agitated. "Did you tell her how you feel?"

"Yes. We sat in the doctor's office while she laid out all the problems that could happen if Elizabeth tried to continue on with the pregnancy," Jason finally dropped in a chair. "Elizabeth listened and at the end the only thing she asked was how far along she was."

Sonny sat in another chair. "How far is she?'

"5 weeks," he scrubbed a hand over his face. "How can she even consider going through with the pregnancy? The doctor told her that her chance to survive a full term pregnancy is less then 20%."

Hearing that made his stomach drop, those odds weren't good no matter how you looked at them. Sonny made his way to the bar and poured he a drink. "So tell her she can't have the baby."

"What?" Jason shot to his feet. "You don't tell Elizabeth things."

Sonny turned around. "She would do it if you asked her too," he studied his friend. "I'm just voicing something you've already considered."

Jason shrugged but didn't deny it, he had considered that.

"You could do that, and she might very well listen to you, and end the pregnancy," Sonny sipped his scotch. "But what you have to ask yourself is, if she does do that, how long will it be before she hates you, and if you could live with her hate."

"So what am I supposed to do? Pretend it's okay with me that she is risking her life? That she is risking the life we've built together?" He needed advice and Sonny was the only one he would ever ask for it.

"If you can't change her mind then yes. You can't fight with her Jason, she doesn't need any more stress. You need to be there for her every step of the way. And when it gets to be too much, and you feel scared or frustrated then you need to come here and take it out on me."

"Sonny probably regretted ever giving me that advice. I sure took him up on it often enough," Jason focused on her face. "You have had me in a constant state of fear and frustration since the night you told me you wanted to keep the baby."

__

"You heard the doctor Elizabeth, there is more then an 80% chance that you will die if you try to go through with this pregnancy." He didn't know how many ways he could tell her that. She didn't seem to realize how serious this was.

"I know but that leaves almost a 20% chance that everything will be okay," she sat on the bed and pulled off her shoes.

"You sound like that's a lot, but it isn't," he couldn't keep still. Ever since she had told him she was pregnant he had been in a constant state of motion.

"Jason the chances that I would get pregnant at all were less then 10% so forgive me for being optimistic here."

"I knew I should have had that surgery, instead I waited," Jason muttered stripping off his shirt and throwing it in the hamper.

"Jason we agreed to wait. We wanted to see if I was going to need to have surgery on my kidneys, if I did, I would have had the procedure myself," her voice was reasonable as she unbuttoned her shirt. "We both agreed and the doctor said it made the most sense."

"Well look there it got us," he snapped. "I should have been more careful."

"Jason you were careful, we were careful, to quote the movie life found a way. That is what happened here."

"I still sho…"

"We both decided it would be better for me to have the surgery instead of you, that way if…" she trailed off and began to remove her jewelry.

Horrified he crossed over to her. "My god Elizabeth, after all of this time I can't believe that you still think I would leave you. I thought we had gotten past that, that you knew I would never leave you."

"I do know that."

"You don't think I'll leave," he went on slowly a sickening thought occurring to him. "You're afraid that you'll leave, that you'll die."

Elizabeth bit her lip and averted her eyes, and he knew that he was right. The realization of that sent him to his knees in front of her. "How can you think that if you die I would ever want to find someone else? That there could be someone else for me?"

"I just think its for the best, we already know that my health is precarious."

"So what? You wanted me to be able to father a child with someone else after you died?" It hurt him to say the words. But the anger he was feeling pulled them out of him.

"Jason how many times have you told me that there were no guarantees in life? That we couldn't control what happened to us after a certain point?" She touched his face and he jerked back from her and got to his feet. Right now it hurt too much for her to touch him.

"So was it all a lie?" he asked roughly. "Did you lie when you said you were okay with never having kids?"

"No it wasn't a lie," she got to her feet. "I had let go of that before I ever married you. I knew I would never give birth, and I had to let that dream go. I knew we would find another way to have kids, if we decided too, and that was okay with me."

"Then what's changed?"

She put her hand on her stomach. "A miracle happened and I found out I was pregnant. I can't give that up. I have to believe, to hope that it will all work out. I can't turn my back on a miracle."

"You said that once before and look at what happened." The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them.

"Low blow," she paled and sank back on the bed.

"I'm sorry," he crouched by her feet and looked up at her. "I'm scared Elizabeth. We've only known about the baby for a day and I'm already terrified. I don't want to lose you."

"Baby you're not going to lose me," she placed a hand on his heart. "You told me yourself that I'm always in your heart."

"That's not the same."

"Jason you filled my head, and my heart for months and months before I ever admitted it to myself. Our love was so strong, you were so strong, that you helped me believe in love again," her voice was soft but impossible to ignore. "I believe in you, and our love. And that love has brought us a baby," she put her hand on her still flat stomach. "This baby was created out of our love, and that can't be wrong."

"But…" she placed a finger over his lips stilling the words.

"Don't think, just feel, and be honest with me," her voice dropped to a whisper. "You want the baby don't you?"

"Not if it costs me you," he whispered back. "Not if I lost you."

"So you're going to wake up Elizabeth," he glanced at the clock on the wall an hour and a half had passed. "You're going to wake up and tell me how right you were to have the baby, to have hope that everything would work out. You promised me Elizabeth, you need to keep that promise. So wake up."

"When did you get so bossy?" Her words were slurred, but recognizable.

"Elizabeth," he looked in her face in relief.

She blinked heavily, trying to fight the fog her head felt like it was encased in. "The baby?"

"She's fine. Hope is fine," Jason pressed the call button for the nurse and took her hand.

"Really?" her eyes searched his for a lie. She had been hoping and praying that Hope would be okay, she wanted to believe him.

"Yes. You did it Elizabeth," he kissed her hand.

"No we did it," she corrected. "We did it together Jason."

~*~

"There's a little girl here who would like to see her mother," Bobbie Jones entered the room carrying a tiny little bundle.

Elizabeth straightened in the bed, her arms were aching to hold her daughter. 

Procedure had Bobbie, checking Elizabeth's bracelet with the one on the little girl. They matched, like she knew they would, and Bobbie laid the tiny girl in her arms.

Elizabeth had never known it was possible to love at first sight. To fall so hard and so quick for a little face, that you would do anything for them. She had loved Hope since the moment she found out she was pregnant. But holding her now, she knew that love was only a whisper of the love that she felt now holding her baby.

It was worth it, all the fear of the last few months was worth it, Jason thought as he joined his family on the bed. The look on his wife's face meant more to him then anything in the world, he knew he would remember it forever. "See I told you she's perfect."

"Never perfect Jason." Elizabeth corrected not taking her eyes from the baby, whose eyes were open and looking at her as well. "Don't try to make her perfect, she's the best that you and me have to offer, but never perfect."

"She is the best," he agreed, touching her hand with his finger.

"She has your eyes," Elizabeth said.

"All babies have blue eyes," he corrected.

"No they're your eyes."

Hope chose that moment to begin to cry.

"Well she definitely has your mouth, listen to those lungs," Jason shot back.

Elizabeth nuzzled her baby girl. "Daddy's delusional, but we don't care."

"I love you."

"I love you too Jason, and our family."

****

~5 years later~

"Daddy," Hope's voice echoed up the stairs, drifting into his office. "We're going to be late to meet Mommy."

"I'm coming Hope." He entered the last number on the ledger and stood from his desk, stretching to remove the kinks. Crossing to the file cabinet, he took out a letter, hesitated then grabbed another one.

"It's about time." Five years old today, Hope Elizabeth Morgan did not like to be kept waiting. "Do you like it?" She turned around showing off her pretty new blue dress.

Jason whistled. "Who said you could grow up and wear things like that?"

"Daddy," Hope giggled and took his hand. "Aunt Carly got it for me."

Jason shook his head, he should have known. "I thought you said we were going to be late, get your coat."

Hope tore up the stairs for her coat. She seemed to have only one speed and that was fast. "What happened?" he asked noticing her skinned knee when she flew back down the stairs.

"Adam Jacks, pushed me off the swings." Hope jumped the last step and took his hand.

"Why did he do that?" Jason frowned down at her.

"Because he's a bully," she tugged on his hand to make him move.

"And what did you do in return?"

Hope dropped his hand and opened the door. "Daddy we're going to be late, right Francis?"

"Right," Francis agreed, pushing the down button on the elevator.

"Hope Elizabeth Morgan."

Hope made a face when she heard her whole name. That always meant she was in trouble. "Yes daddy?" She turned around putting a wide smile on her face, showing off the gap in her mouth where her teeth should have been.

"Have you been fighting again?"

Hope crossed her fingers behind her back.

"And show me those hands."

Hope huffed out a breath and looked up at her dad. "You see it was like this…"

~*~

"Mommy." Hope was out of the Durango as soon as Francis unhooked her car seat.

Jason jerked his head at Francis to go with her, while he followed them at a slower pace. He could hear his daughter's excited voice drifting towards him on the wind.

"And Miss Becky says my picture is the best one in the whole kindergarten class, and first grade too. She says I'm real talented and prec, precon, precog…"

"Precocious," Francis supplied for her.

"Right, and what else," Hope scratched her chin. "Auntie Em has a baby in her stomach. I asked her how the baby got there, but she told me to ask Daddy. But Daddy just said it was hard to explain and it was past my bedtime. Lulu thinks she's important because she has a training bra, but I don't think she is. Uncle Nikky says to hush about it, but I think it looks funny. And Aunt Alexis and Uncle Sonny are back, we're having a birthday party today," she got to her feet and twirled around. "Do you like my new dress? Aunt Carly got it for me, Miss Kate says it matches my eyes."

Jason sat down slowly on the bench half listening to his daughter's chatter.

**__**

~FLASHBACK~

~2 years earlier~

****

"Jason you're home early," Francis commented when he saw who got off the elevator.

"I know Elizabeth's going to try to cook tonight."

Francis patted him on the shoulder. "My condolences."

Jason shot him a glare.

"I haven't heard a peep out of them since we got back from the park about 2 hours ago," Francis opened the door.

"Thanks," Jason paused inside the door. "You might want to hang around for awhile, you might have to take us to emergency again."

Jason closed the door and went looking for his family, he wasn't surprised to find them in the studio on the main floor. He went to Hope first, who was asleep in her playpen. He pulled the cover up and ran a finger over her soft brown curly hair.

He turned to look for his wife, Elizabeth was lying on the couch, a sketchpad on the floor, her hand, over the edge, a pencil dangling limply from her fingers. At first he didn't think there was anything wrong. Until he moved closer and saw her fixed and opened eyed stare.

For a minute he was frozen, the next thing he knew, Hope was awake and screaming, Francis was charging in the room, and he was applying compressions to her chest, trying to revive her. "Get an ambulance," he screamed at Francis who picked up Hope from her playpen and hurried out of the room.

"Mommy!" Hope's wail echoed in the room.

"Breathe Elizabeth," he ordered in between compressions. He brought his mouth to her lips to blow in air, and her lips were cold and blue. He ignored that and kept up the compressions.

__

"I'm sorry Elizabeth, I had planned to do this at another time, when I was prepared, but I jumped the gun."

"Jason stop, your proposal was perfect, of course I'll marry you," she wrapped her arms around his neck and held on tight.

"I didn't even get you a ring yet," he buried his face into the softness of her hair.

"I don't want an engagement ring," she drew back her eyes serious. "I just want a wedding ring, something pure, simple and strong like you."

"Simple?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Okay not simple, but pure. I know I won't explain this right but a long time ago I heard that a wedding ring, is unbroken and round, because it shows that there is no beginning or ending to love," she took his hand. "I'm not sure when I fell in love with you, I just realized I was one day. So like a ring, I can't tell when it began, but also like a ring, it will never end. That's what I want, just a pure and simple band, that is unbroken." 

"Breathe Elizabeth." She couldn't leave him, not now. Things were perfect. She couldn't leave her daughter, she couldn't leave him. "Damn you, you promised, now breathe."

__

"I love you Mr. Morgan," Elizabeth's hand danced over his naked and sweaty back.

"I love you Mrs. Morgan," he replied, and watched the smile bloom over her face.

"I like the sound of that," her hand drifted lower, and her nails scraped over his ass.

"I'm glad. Are you okay?" he braced most of his weight on his arms so he didn't crush her.

"Okay? Jason that doesn't even come close to describing how I feel. Right now I feel like I could fly, I'm glad we waited, this made it even more special," she sucked in her bottom lip. "Are you okay?"

"Yes. I have wanted to make love with you forever, but let me tell you I never dreamed it would be like this," he kissed her. "That I would feel like this," he began to place kisses on her jawline.

"You know, I think it could get better," she shifted her hips reminding him that they were still joined.

At her movement he began to grow hard inside of her again. "It's kind of hard to improve on perfection."

She clenched her muscles, tightening the velvet glove that encased him. "So you don't want to try?"

Why hadn't he noticed how dark and mysterious her eyes were? "I'd hate to disappoint my wife," his hand skimmed up her chest, stopping to tease her breasts with sweet caresses.

"No," she broke off with a gasp, when he lowered his head and took the now hard nipple in his mouth. "That wouldn't be a good way to start a marriage."

He caught her hands in his, and moved back up her body to kiss his mouth, thrusting his hips at the same time, causing her to moan. He wanted to be inside of her forever. "Open your eyes for me Elizabeth I want to see them when you go over."

She opened her eyes obediently, pulled her hands free and moved them to his waist, to increase the motion, as she tilted her hips to match his thrusts. "I love you."

"Forever."

"Breathe baby," tears were coming from his eyes now, sweat pouring off his face, but he couldn't stop.

__

"I want Kate to be the Godmother," Elizabeth said when he joined her in the bed.

"Kate," Jason wrinkled his nose. "What could she teach a baby except how to make her hair purple?"

"It was eggplant Jason," she poked him in the chest. "You know you like her, and without her help who knows where we would be today."

"Okay Kate," he brought his head down to Elizabeth's swollen stomach. "But don't let her near you with hair dye."

"Very cute." She shifted so she was leaning against his shoulder, his hand on her stomach.

"Sonny should be the Godfather, it's hard to believe that he's the Godfather of Port Charles, and he's not a Godfather yet," she shifted his hand on her stomach, to where the baby was kicking.

"Godfather? What do you mean?"

"Jason we have to work on your movie trivia."

The distant sound of sirens could be heard through the open window of the studio, so too could the sound of Hope's cries. But they all seemed to blend to him as he tried to make her breathe.

__

"So what are you going to do today?" Jason asked wiping the cereal from Hope's chin.

"Hope and I are going to the park, then I'm going to try to finish my preliminary sketches for that new piece I'm working on." She turned around from the sink and took the bowl from his hand. "I'm cooking tonight."

Jason frowned, "I'll be home early."

She poked him in the chest. "Gram says its fool proof."

"I'll still be home early," he stepped away only to jerk to a halt when she grabbed him by his belt loop.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" She looked up at him mischief dancing in her eyes.

"I am," he moved over to Hope and kissed her goodbye. "Be good for Mommy."

"Bye Daddy," Hope cried, banging her spoon on her tray.

"Bye," he headed for the door.

"Jason," she snapped.

"Oh," he turned around and pulled her into his arms. "I'm still not trained yet," he murmured before his mouth claimed hers.

"I love you Mr. Morgan," she said when he finally turned her loose.

"I love you Mrs. Morgan," he smiled at her, and brushed a thumb over her cheek, before heading out the door. "Goodbye."

"No Jason," she waited until he turned to look at her. "See you later."

"Breathe, Elizabeth," Jason begged.

__

"With this ring I thee wed."

"Please don't leave me."

__

"See you later."

"Jason stop," Sonny's voice was in his ear. "It's too late."

__

"See you later."

"No," Jason whispered brokenly. "She promised."

__

"See you later."

**__**

~End FLASHBACK~

"I'm going to leave my picture here, so you can look at it Mommy," Hope's voice drew him out of the memories. "My party is at Uncle Nikky's house. I get to pet his horse, Sheba. Did you know Sheba was a boy?" She looked over at her daddy, when she saw his eyes were sad but were focused on her again she got to her feet. "I'm going to go pick some flowers, for Mommy."

Jason looked at the nearby field that had daisies in them. "Stay close to Francis."

"Okay, I'll be back Mommy," she cried before pulling on Francis' hand.

Jason watched her run away, and couldn't help but smile. "You would be real proud of her Elizabeth, she is the best. You got your wish, she's the tallest kid in her class, and in the 1st grade class too, so I guess she got my height after all. But her brown curly hair, and her smile are all you."

He sighed heavily then went on. "I don't miss you as much as I did once, I'm not as sad as I once was. It's impossible to be sad when you're around Hope. She won't let you feel that way. I think I'm doing a good job raising her, I try to hear your voice in my head when I get stuck. She's happy and loved, just like you wanted her to be."

Reaching in his pocket Jason pulled out one of the envelopes. "I found this about 3 months ago. It was the letter that helped start all of this. I never read it, I was more concerned with you," he swallowed hard. "I thought it was gone for good, but then I found it again. I think its time to read it." He glanced up at his daughter who was now dancing around Francis.

__

Jason,

If you're reading this letter then something went terribly wrong and I'm either hurt, or dead.

He sucked in a breath and glanced at her headstone before going on.

__

That's an ominous beginning isn't it? I always thought lines like that were fairly cheesy, when I heard them on TV, but I couldn't think of anything else. By now you know that I was trying to free Lucky from Helena. I know you probably think I did this out of love for him, but I didn't, and you need to know that, so that's why I'm writing you this.

I lied to you that night in the park, when I said I wanted Lucky. I didn't, I wanted you. I had told him that I wanted more from you, and even though it hurt me to hurt him, I felt so free, that I knew I made the right choice. I went to the park to find you, not Lucky. And instead I saw Helena, she was watching Lucky attack you, and she was pleased. I knew in that moment that she still controlled him.

I had to help him, and to do that I had to turn you down. I always said I owed Lucky, at first it was because of his help after the rape. But like you told me, I saved myself then, he just gave me a safe place to heal. But Lucky did do something else. Something that made me want to help him. Before Lucky, no one ever listened or believed in me. No one took the time to hear me. He was the first, and for a while the only one who thought the things I said mattered. That was so important to me. He made me feel like I was worth something. No one had ever made me feel like that before.

So now he was drowning and I had to help him. I don't know if you can understand why I had to do it, in a sense Lucky was my Robin. I know things ended terribly between you. But she was the first person that looked at you and saw you, who heard what you were saying, and listened. She was the person who made you feel like you were worth something. And as bad as it ended with you two, I think that if she were ever in trouble, you would help her because of that. Not that you would forgive her, or love her again, but you would help her. Because once upon a time, she taught you what it meant to be special.

I can almost hear your words. Even in this situation I'm going on about Lucky. But not in the way you think. I'm not in love with him anymore, I haven't been since before he ever came back home. It just took me a long time to realize that.

You may not want to hear this, but I love you. I'm sorry for pushing you away all the time, for hurting you again and again, and lying to you. I don't really have an excuse to offer, only an apology and the truth. Whether this would have worked or not, I was leaving Port Charles. I was going to try to find the Elizabeth who was once your more then friend, and try to live again. Even if I never saw you again, I would always remember and love you.

I know you don't dream, but I do. In fact I was dreaming tonight, and that's what inspired this letter. Would it surprise you to know that I dream about you all the time? Because I do. But this dream was different.

We were sitting on a stone bench, in some place I've never been. It was a fall day, the sun was setting. I remember feeling so peaceful, like I had never felt before, the breeze was around us, moving through us, and it felt so perfect. Your face was sad, and I took your hand but you didn't look at me. You're attention was on a beautiful little girl, with brown curly hair, and a blue dress with a skinned knee. She was laughing and playing in front of us. I know it doesn't make sense, but she had your eyes Jason. Your bright beautiful eyes, were in the face of that little girl. It may be selfish of me, but I chose to believe that little girl represented my hope for the future with you. That if we managed to make it to that bench with her in front of us, everything would be worthwhile.

So thank you for my dream, thank you for caring about me. And please remember that I love you.

See you later,

Elizabeth

Jason brushed at the tears on his face, before turning blindly to look at he space beside him, he almost expected to see her sitting there beside him. How could she have known? He wondered what else she had seen in her dream that she hadn't written down. "Elizabeth."

~*~

"Francis put me down please," Hope shifted on her perch on his shoulders.

"What's wrong?" Francis immediately lifted her free, and set her on the ground.

"Daddy's sad," Hope explained. "I need to go see him."

Francis looked past her to Jason who was still on the bench. To him he didn't look any different, but Hope was normally right.

"Daddy," Hope climbed up on his lap, waiting for the arm to come around her and draw her closer the way it always did. "See the flowers?"

Jason automatically smelled them when she put them under his nose. "Their pretty."

"Can you read my letter now?"

"Okay." He pulled out the other envelope. About three months after Elizabeth had died, Nikolas had brought over a box full of letters. Letters that were for Hope from Elizabeth. He had known she had written some letters for Hope, in case she died giving birth, but he hadn't known that she had kept writing them. There were letters for each of her birthdays up to 24, and for every other milestone. Her first date, her first kiss, graduation, wedding day, finding out she was pregnant, her first crush, her first love, her first time…, and so many more. At first it had hurt to look in that box, and know that Elizabeth was still preparing for the worst. But when he saw the joy on Hope's face every time she got a letter, he let it go.

He cleared his throat:

__

My Hope,

First, Happy Birthday. I want you to give your daddy an extra long hug, and know that when he hugs you back, that one is from me. That every time your daddy hugs you, I'm hugging you too.

Second, Birthday memory. When I was five, my Grandfather took me fishing. I hated those worms that we always used on the hook. But I loved the colorful lures he had, or flies I guess their called. He had a hat full of the most colorful ones I'd ever seen. I just knew one of them would catch a pretty fish. Because all the fish I had seen up until then were pretty ugly.

So one time when he wasn't looking, I hooked one of those lures, on my hook. And when he cast the line, his hat went sailing into the water too. When he reeled it in to get his hat back, there was a fish on one of those lures. Gram says that this story turned into a true fish story, because every time Grandpa told it, there was another fish on the hat. Your great-grandfather was a good man, who loved to laugh, and always smelled like the lemon drops he kept in his pocket.

Third, Birthday wish. I hope you take up some sort of sport this year. When I was five, I took up ice-skating and I loved it. You're daddy always promised to go ice-skating with me, but we never did. So I need you to make sure he takes you sometime. If you find out you don't like it, then don't do it, find something else that you do like, and do that.

I love you little one, always know that, your mommy and daddy loved each other so much, that we got you, to show for that love.

Mommy

Hope was quiet while he put the letter away, she slipped from his lap and put the flowers on top of the picture she had brought for her mom. "Daddy, can we go fishing?"

"Yes," he smiled and got to his feet.

"Goodbye Mommy, I love you." Hope touched the tombstone, then giggled when the wind blew through her hair. "I'll see you tonight."

"Hope what did you mean you would see her tonight?" Jason asked as they headed for the Durango.

"She comes to me at night in my dreams." Hope explained absently her focus was on her jumping, she had to get better at hopping on one foot before the play day relay races. She bit her bottom lip while she concentrated.

Jason saw that move, and couldn't help but remember. "That's nice."

"She says I have your eyes," Hope jumped again. "She says its time for you to stop missing her so much, that you should let her go. She wants you to meet Miss Becky my new art teacher."

Jason came to a stop and so did Hope. "What?"

Hope peered up at him. "Doesn't she come see you?"

"No," he shook his head.

Hope sighed and thought about it. "I can tell her to go see you," she offered finally.

Jason squatted down in front of her. "Any time I want to see your mother all I have to do is look at you. You have her smile, you have her hair, and you even bite your lip like she did. No you keep your visits with your mom."

"Okay." Hope turned away only to turn around again. "Do you want to know what I do, when I really miss her?"

He nodded.

"I go outside, and feel the wind. Mommy is in the wind. Whenever I feel sad, or need a hug, the wind blows, and I know its mommy. Then I don't feel so sad anymore," she patted his hand. "So maybe when you get sad, you can look for mommy there."

"I'll do that," he managed to speak, and watched her run for Francis. Standing he felt a faint breeze brush his face. It was so light, almost like that of a lover's caress. Closing his eyes he let the feeling wash over him. To his surprise he did feel happier when it stopped blowing, he heard the car horn and moved on to the car.

"What are you doing?" He asked when he reached the driver's door.

"I want to drive." Hope said wrapping her hands around the wheel.

"No Hope," Jason shook his head and pointed to the backseat.

"What if I say it's the only thing I want for my birthday?" She saw him shake his head. "What about if I said, it made me feel free?"

__

"What if I said it made me feel free?

Then I would tell you to get your own bike."

The memory came out of nowhere and it caused him to smile instead of making him sad. "You're too young to drive, now move."

"But Francis let's me drive." Hope grumbled, climbing into the back seat.

Jason looked at Francis over the hood of the Durango. Francis dropped his eyes and ducked in the back door to tighten her seat belt. "Traitor," he hissed at her. But Hope just grinned at him and winked.

Jason spared him a mild glare before starting the engine and heading out of the cemetery.

"So Francis, how did Auntie Em get a baby in her tummy?" Hope's question caused Francis to turn red, and Jason to burst out laughing.

The sound of the laughter seemed to echo on the wind, as it moved around the car and back towards the stone bench. The picture was ripped free of the weight of the flowers, and began to skim along the ground, before a big gust of wind, caused it to rise up and get lost in the sun. The sound of the laughter as it did so, was decidedly feminine.

~*~*~*~

__

So that's it. Like I said some people consider this some of my best work. If you managed to make it through this long part and the story in general I would love to hear what you thought of it.

Thanks,

Stephanie


End file.
